These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, many parents'
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
in the family
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
changed,
more
Correct word choice
and more
show examples
fathers are staying
home
to raise
children
. In
this
essay, I will examine
this
phenomenon and try to explain why
this
is a positive development.
To begin
with, there are various reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
situation.
Firstly
,
women
nowadays are more highly educated.
This
is because
women
are allowed to study in many
field
Change to a plural noun
fields
show examples
.
For
example
, in the old days, there were fewer
women
who could be engineers because people thought that only
men
had the knowledge to become engineers.
Moreover
, society be more kind to those fathers who may want to stay at
home
to bond with
children
Correct pronoun usage
their children
show examples
. To be more specific,
men
are always taught that they need to be in charge at
home
which means a master of the house.
For
example
, old traditional people always think that
men
must
be go
Change the verb form
go
show examples
out and work to feed their family.
Consequently
, more
male
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males
show examples
are willing to stay
home
with no pressure.
Overall
, there are positive developments in many ways.
This
is
due to
the fact that
women
also
can have their own career
pathway
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pathways
show examples
.
In other words
, it is a benefit for their mental health. Not every woman
enjoy
Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
show examples
staying at
home
raising kids and
wait
Add the preposition
wait for
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their husband.
For
example
, in Hong Kong, most parents are more likely to hire a worker to take care of their
children
so that they can go to work.
In addition
,
women
and
men
become more equal
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
many levels in
this
century.
For
example
, people out there would not point out what
women
should do and what should
men
do. In conclusion, The reason why
this
situation is getting normal is because
women
are more educated to help them to receive a dream job and these fathers are more willing to stay
home
to take care of
children
with no pressure.
Therefore
,
this
is a positive development for individuals and society.
Submitted by 68aimmia on

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Introduction
Consider beginning your essay with a more detailed introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help to set expectations for the reader and establish a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence
In order to improve the logical structure, you need to ensure you have a strong topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relates to the questions asked. Also, try to use transition words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs to signal the relationship between ideas.
Support
Your main points could be better supported with stronger and more detailed examples, data, or anecdotes. Developing your examples further will provide more insight and substance to your arguments.
Task Response
To fully achieve the task, make sure to address all parts of the prompt equally. Your essay currently focuses more on reasons for the phenomenon than on evaluating its positive or negative aspects. Remember to provide a balanced discussion that fully addresses both parts of the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • breadwinner
  • caregiving
  • paternal leave
  • societal perceptions
  • gender roles
  • flexible working conditions
  • personal preference
  • father-child relationship
  • emotional and social development
  • household responsibilities
  • career opportunities
  • professional achievements
  • balanced parenting
  • earning potential
  • social stigma
  • societal pressure
  • discrimination
  • traditional mindsets
  • resentment
  • adjustment
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