These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

#fathers #home #care #children #mothers #work #development

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Nowadays, many parents'

position

Fix the agreement mistake

positions

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in the family

has

Correct subject-verb agreement

have

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changed,

Correct word choice

and more

show examples

fathers are staying

home

Use synonyms

to raise

children

Use synonyms

. In

this

Linking Words

essay, I will examine

this

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phenomenon and try to explain why

this

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is a positive development.

To begin

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with, there are various reasons

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for

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this

Linking Words

situation.

Firstly

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women

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nowadays are more highly educated.

This

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is because

women

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are allowed to study in many

field

Change to a plural noun

fields

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For

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example

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, in the old days, there were fewer

women

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who could be engineers because people thought that only

men

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had the knowledge to become engineers.

Moreover

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, society be more kind to those fathers who may want to stay at

home

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to bond with

Use synonyms

children

Correct pronoun usage

their children

show examples

. To be more specific,

men

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are always taught that they need to be in charge at

home

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which means a master of the house.

For

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example

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, old traditional people always think that

men

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must

be go

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out and work to feed their family.

Consequently

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, more

male

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males

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are willing to stay

home

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with no pressure.

Overall

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, there are positive developments in many ways.

This

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due to

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the fact that

women

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also

Linking Words

can have their own career

pathway

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pathways

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In other words

Linking Words

, it is a benefit for their mental health. Not every woman

enjoy

Correct subject-verb agreement

enjoys

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staying at

home

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raising kids and

wait

Add the preposition

wait for

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their husband.

For

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example

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, in Hong Kong, most parents are more likely to hire a worker to take care of their

children

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so that they can go to work.

In addition

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women

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and

men

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become more equal

Change preposition

show examples

many levels in

this

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century.

For

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example

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, people out there would not point out what

women

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should do and what should

men

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do. In conclusion, The reason why

this

Linking Words

situation is getting normal is because

women

Use synonyms

are more educated to help them to receive a dream job and these fathers are more willing to stay

home

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to take care of

children

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with no pressure.

Therefore

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this

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is a positive development for individuals and society.

Submitted by 68aimmia on Mon Jan 29 2024

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Introduction

Consider beginning your essay with a more detailed introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help to set expectations for the reader and establish a clear direction for your essay.

Coherence

In order to improve the logical structure, you need to ensure you have a strong topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relates to the questions asked. Also, try to use transition words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs to signal the relationship between ideas.

Support

Your main points could be better supported with stronger and more detailed examples, data, or anecdotes. Developing your examples further will provide more insight and substance to your arguments.

Task Response

To fully achieve the task, make sure to address all parts of the prompt equally. Your essay currently focuses more on reasons for the phenomenon than on evaluating its positive or negative aspects. Remember to provide a balanced discussion that fully addresses both parts of the question.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

319 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

breadwinner
caregiving
paternal leave
societal perceptions
gender roles
flexible working conditions
personal preference
father-child relationship
emotional and social development
household responsibilities
career opportunities
professional achievements
balanced parenting
earning potential
social stigma
societal pressure
discrimination
traditional mindsets
resentment
adjustment

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