These days more fathers stay at home and take care of their children while mothers go out to work. What could be the reasons for this? Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, many parents'
position
in the family Fix the agreement mistake
positions
has
changed, Correct subject-verb agreement
have
more
fathers are staying Correct word choice
and more
home
to raise children
. In this
essay, I will examine this
phenomenon and try to explain why this
is a positive development.
To begin
with, there are various reasons of
Change preposition
for
this
situation. Firstly
, women
nowadays are more highly educated. This
is because women
are allowed to study in many field
. Change to a plural noun
fields
For
example
, in the old days, there were fewer women
who could be engineers because people thought that only men
had the knowledge to become engineers. Moreover
, society be more kind to those fathers who may want to stay at home
to bond with children
. To be more specific, Correct pronoun usage
their children
men
are always taught that they need to be in charge at home
which means a master of the house. For
example
, old traditional people always think that men
must be go
out and work to feed their family. Change the verb form
go
Consequently
, more male
are willing to stay Fix the agreement mistake
males
home
with no pressure.
Overall
, there are positive developments in many ways. This
is due to
the fact that women
also
can have their own career pathway
. Fix the agreement mistake
pathways
In other words
, it is a benefit for their mental health. Not every woman enjoy
staying at Correct subject-verb agreement
enjoys
home
raising kids and wait
their husband. Add the preposition
wait for
For
example
, in Hong Kong, most parents are more likely to hire a worker to take care of their children
so that they can go to work. In addition
, women
and men
become more equal in
many levels in Change preposition
on
this
century. For
example
, people out there would not point out what women
should do and what should men
do.
In conclusion, The reason why this
situation is getting normal is because women
are more educated to help them to receive a dream job and these fathers are more willing to stay home
to take care of children
with no pressure. Therefore
, this
is a positive development for individuals and society.Submitted by 68aimmia on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Introduction
Consider beginning your essay with a more detailed introduction that outlines the main points you will discuss. This will help to set expectations for the reader and establish a clear direction for your essay.
Coherence
In order to improve the logical structure, you need to ensure you have a strong topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph that directly relates to the questions asked. Also, try to use transition words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs to signal the relationship between ideas.
Support
Your main points could be better supported with stronger and more detailed examples, data, or anecdotes. Developing your examples further will provide more insight and substance to your arguments.
Task Response
To fully achieve the task, make sure to address all parts of the prompt equally. Your essay currently focuses more on reasons for the phenomenon than on evaluating its positive or negative aspects. Remember to provide a balanced discussion that fully addresses both parts of the question.