Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?

Some people argue that playing online can be necessary to enjoy a funny moment and
also
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for learning new things.
While
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others think that
this
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practice is useless and can have consequences on the brain. I believe that video
games
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are dangerous and that there are other ways to learn and laugh. On the one hand, a certain proportion of the population thinks that video
games
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are useful and fun. I understand
this
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point of view because I used to play with my cousins when I was young. It can provide happiness
due to
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the fact that when someone plays, they can feel a lot of adrenaline, especially when it is a horror game.
For instance
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, when I was 12 years old, I played Fortnite, a battle royale game, where I was supposed to kill my opponent, and every death, I was so happy and excited.
On the other hand
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, I join people who think that we have to ban online
games
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. Even if sometimes users can learn new lessons and feel happy, there are , in reality, many other things that can make them feel good.
For example
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, doing sports, music, or hanging out with their friends. And for educational tools, there are schools.
Moreover
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, it has been proven that videos have an adverse effect on the people who use them.
According to
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a study made by the University of Toronto in Canada in 2020, online
games
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directly affect concentration and can reduce by 5% the mental capacity of the brain.
To conclude
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,
although
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this
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practice can provide happiness and can
also
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be an amusing way to learn. For me, it is so dangerous for the brain that it actually outweighs all the benefits.

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coherence
Add a clear topic sentence for each paragraph and use linking words to connect ideas smoothly.
task
Give stronger, clearer reasons for your view and explain how each point matters; add more details or examples.
grammar
Check grammar and sentence form; fix mistakes with articles, preps, and punctuation; avoid long, run-on sentences.
style
Keep a simple, direct style and avoid words that make the sentence long and hard to read.
task
Your opinion is clear and stated in the conclusion.
coherence
You use some examples to back up your ideas.
organization
Paragraphs are used to separate ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive skills
  • problem-solving
  • strategic thinking
  • multiplayer games
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • communication
  • collaboration
  • interactive learning
  • gaming addiction
  • academic performance
  • violence desensitization
  • aggressive behavior
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • health issues
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