Some people regard video games as harmless fun, or even as a useful educational tool. Others, however, believe that videos games are having an adverse effect on the people who play them. In your opinion, do the drawbacks of video games outweigh the benefits?
While
some think that online games allow individuals to spend a good time
while
learning new things, others oppose to
that idea and affirm that they can be dangerous for us. The essay will demonstrate that gaming can create joyful moments between friends, but Change preposition
apply
also
that it can be harmful for
human beings that are going to spend too much Change the preposition
to
time
playing. The essay will argue that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.
Indeed, computer games allow friends to share a
quality Correct article usage
apply
time
while
learning new things. Most of them are meant to be played with friends or family,
and are even going to allow us to create new friendships. Remove the comma
apply
Furthermore
, they will also
help us learn several things and develop skills that are useful in life. For example
, a study lead
by Replace the word
led
the
Harvard Correct article usage
apply
Univeristy
in the United States in 2019 showed that teenagers aged Correct your spelling
University
from
13 to 17 who play the video game “Call of Duty” at least twice per week develop survival skills and Change preposition
apply
instincs
and are able to live by themselves without adults thanks to these skills, Correct your spelling
instincts
instinct
while
those who do not play “Call of Duty” will not.
However
, gaming can also
be harmful for
the individual. Children will often spend too much Change the preposition
to
time
in front of their computer or TV, and that will lead to negative health effects, such
as headaches, lower back pain or even sight loss. Moreover
, if they play too much, they will become addicted and even depressed. For instance
, a French hospital called Saint-Cyprien located in Paris confirmed that in the year 2024, more than 840 kids aged between 12 and 15 got in
the hospital because of their computer addiction. The doctors said that it caused them to develop terrible one-week-long headaches and mood swings that scared their parents very much.
Change preposition
to
To conclude
, gaming can be fun and sometimes even educational, but it can also
be very dangerous for us and can lead to addiction and a
bad physical and mental health. Correct article usage
apply
Hence
, the disadvantages clearly outweight
the positive effects of it.Correct your spelling
outweigh
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coherence cohesion
To enhance your coherence and cohesion score, try to use more varied and sophisticated linking devices to connect your ideas smoothly. This will help in maintaining a clear flow throughout the essay.
task achievement
For task achievement, make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion to provide a cohesive argument. Enhance your argument by providing more varied examples that cover both the advantages and disadvantages of video games.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively outline and summarize your argument regarding video games.
complete response
You present a balanced view by highlighting both the benefits and drawbacks of video games, which fulfills the task requirements well.
relevant specific examples
The examples you provided are relevant and help illustrate your points, particularly the study from Harvard University and the data from the French hospital.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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