In recent years, the family structure and the role of its members are gradually changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

It is argued that nowadays the structure of a usual family and in
consequence
Add a comma
consequence,
show examples
the role of family members is experiencing
significan
Correct your spelling
significant
changes. Indeed, some of them have
detrimenta
Correct your spelling
detrimental
impeliments
Correct your spelling
impediments
implements
,
while
, the
ather
Correct your spelling
other
might be optimal to some extent. It is
undeniabe
Correct your spelling
undeniable
that women used to be full-time housewives and mothers rather than employed ones.
However
, in comparison with the past,
life
expenses are amazingly higher and
families
need two jobs
incom
Correct your spelling
income
to make ends meet. I consider
this
trend as both
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
and negative approach. Needless to say
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if both parents make money, their
life
quality and
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
get better,
consequently
, they can provide financial support
as well as
the basics for their children.
On the other hand
,
this
style of parenting might lead to misbehaved children as they do not have enough time to devote to bringing up them and nannies and babysitters have to shoulder the childcare responsibilities and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not provide emotional
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
hence
, they cannot play the role of mother for children. It is true to say that family structures
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
changing. At
this
time and age,
families
are not as extended as they were traditionally,
in addition
, nuclear
families
and one-person households are increasing. Obviously, the
traditonal
Correct your spelling
traditional
supporting network is rare and people tend to be on their own
device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
show examples
,
thus
they cannot count on family members in difficulties and they have to tackle
highs
Correct article usage
the highs
show examples
and lows of
life
on their own. As human
intraction
Correct your spelling
interaction
gets less, relative psychological illnesses overspread, which might cause depression among the young society.
By contrast
, in regard
ti
Correct your spelling
to
show examples
nucleaf
Correct your spelling
nuclear
families
, costs are fairly low and they would be able to provide financial
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
for each family member easily.
individuals
Capitalize word
Individuals
show examples
can have a high-standard
laxtury
Correct your spelling
luxury
life
. All in all, our
life
is changing in every aspect
incuding
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including
family structures and roles, I believe it
Add a missing verb
is inavidable
show examples
inavidable
Correct your spelling
inevitable
unavoidable
,
although
it might offer positive consequences, it has
negetive
Correct your spelling
negative
ones which can not be overlooked.
Submitted by shamim1999 on

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coherence cohesion
Work on your spelling and grammar, as these errors can make the writing harder to follow or understand. In particular, words such as 'significan', 'impeliments', 'ather', 'universa', 'ondividuals' and 'laxtury' are misspelled. Correct spellings would enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your main points with clear supporting details and examples. The essay sometimes mentions concepts without fully explaining them or connecting them to the main argument.
coherence cohesion
Strive for variety in sentence structures to make the writing more engaging and to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency. Additionally, take care with punctuation and capitalization as consistent minor errors can impact the reader's understanding and the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure, including a more distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Make sure your introduction sets up the topic and your viewpoint, and that your conclusion summarizes your main points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dual-income
  • gender roles
  • single-parent households
  • divorce rates
  • same-sex parents
  • multigenerational
  • family dynamics
  • aging population
  • communication technology
  • child-rearing approaches
  • work-life balance
  • remote working
  • family structure
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