Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past 30 years that many cities in the world are now “one big traffic jam”. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars?
Traffic
has increased from
several decades Change preposition
over
due to
the advancement of the
technology because all Correct article usage
apply
type
of Fix the agreement mistake
types
vehicles
are easily available at low prices which attract
the public's interest. I Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
am agree
with the statement that enormous numbers of Change the verb form
agree
vehicles
causes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cause
traffic
jam
on Fix the agreement mistake
jams
daily
basis and Correct article usage
a daily
creates
different kinds of problems.
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
To begin
with , carbon monoxide and carbon dioxide produced by the
Correct article usage
apply
vehicles
are the main cause of pollution which depletes ozone
layer and Add an article
the ozone
put
adverse impacts on the health of human beings. It devastates the environment and atmosphere. Verb problem
has
Moreover
, traffic
is bumper to bumper due to
the convenient transportation system thus
, people have access to sit in their cars with comfort and travel
the world. Majority of the people travel
alone and
Correct word choice
which
create
congestion on the roads. Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
For instance
, as per 'Bombay News' millions of vehicles
runs
on the roads which is a topic of concern which causes Change the verb form
run
delay
on the roads.
The higher authorities should take some actions to Fix the agreement mistake
delays
devalue
Verb problem
reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
traffic
congestions
. Fix the agreement mistake
congestion
Firstly
, government
should encourage Add an article
the government
prople
Correct your spelling
people
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
cycle
if they want to Correct article usage
the cycle
travel
alone locally. This
will be proven as good exercise for them and assist them to maintain good health . As cycles
are eco - Correct word choice
Cycles
Correct article usage
an friendly
friendly
source of transport which will improve the condition of Replace the word
ecofriendly
environment
and not cause Correct article usage
the environment
further
damage . Furthermore
, more lanes should be constructed on the highways which can only be used by more than one individuals who travel
in the same car. Thus
, masses
never be late for their work because they will have access to Correct article usage
the masses
super
fast lane .
Correct article usage
a super
To conclude
, it is Correct article usage
the responsible
responsible
of all Replace the word
responsibility
the
citizens not to create Correct article usage
apply
traffic
jams due to
their impaired driving which will lead them accidents. The government should implement new rules for the wellfare
of the public and it will be possible with joint efforts.Correct your spelling
welfare
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coherence cohesion
The essay shows an attempt to organize ideas, but the logical structure can be improved for better coherence. Providing clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph could help guide the reader through the argument more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are present but could be strengthened. The introduction should more directly address the prompt, and the conclusion could be enhanced to summarize the key points more effectively, creating a stronger final impression.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides some support for the main points but needs more development and concrete examples to effectively illustrate your ideas and arguments.
task achievement
To fully complete the task, make sure to address all parts of the question. Discuss both the validity of the statement and the measures governments can take in separate, well-developed paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay contains ideas loosely related to the question, but clarity could be improved by ensuring each paragraph contains a single, comprehensive idea that directly responds to the task.
task achievement
Including more specific real-world examples and data can help reinforce your arguments, making your essay more persuasive and relevant to the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example