IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

1. Opinion Questions: In the future it may be necessary for us to live on other planets. For this reason, some people believe that we should spend money now to research other planets, such as Mars. What extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, people tend to think our planet will not be enough for us to live on.
Moreover
Linking Words
, many believe that
research
Use synonyms
 on
planets
Use synonyms
 like Mars should be more investigated. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
due to
Linking Words
 several reasons that will be outlined in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
, investigating Mars
instead
Linking Words
 of planet
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 will be a waste of money and time. By providing financial
aid
Use synonyms
 to
research
Use synonyms
 Mars we will not be assured that it will work
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since no tangible results have been obtained from previous
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 that began a long time ago. At
this
Linking Words
point
Add a comma
point,
show examples
 millions of dollars and years have already been used for
this
Linking Words
research
Use synonyms
, though no evidence has been found that living on other
planets
Use synonyms
 is safe or worth the risk.
For example
Linking Words
, Russia and the United States have already spent billions of dollars in
research
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
planets
Use synonyms
 since the 18th century, but nothing proves the theory that it is beneficial for people to live on other grounds.
Therefore
Linking Words
, financial assistance is not proven to be beneficial in
this
Linking Words
 context.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the financial
aid
Use synonyms
 provided could be used for a better purpose. Underdeveloped countries are struggling with their living conditions, health and education.
This
Linking Words
 shows that making planet
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
 a better place to live on could fix long-term problems
instead
Linking Words
 of researching other
planets
Use synonyms
 where to live.
Moreover
Linking Words
, financial
aid
Use synonyms
 for healthcare and medicine
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more necessary than
research
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, improving education and healthcare would be more beneficial, than providing money for analyzing other
planets
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that basic economic
aid
Use synonyms
, including financial support, should be directed towards more important factors than investing in researching other
planets
Use synonyms
, which has proven to be ineffective by wasting money and time
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Expand upon your ideas. Make sure to fully develop your arguments and provide more detailed examples that are directly relevant to the topic at hand. This should include specific, real-world instances where appropriate, rather than hypothetical situations.
Coherence & Cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay. Use a range of cohesive devices and topic sentences effectively to guide the reader and establish a clear argument line.
Introduction & Conclusion
Although the introduction and conclusion are present, ensure they fully address the task by restating the question and clearly presenting your viewpoint. The conclusion should also effectively summarise the arguments made within the body of the essay.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: