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Band 4.5

In many countries, governments spemd large amounts of money on the arts and this is supported by some taxpayers as worthwhile. Others, however think that this money would be better spent on health and education. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these opinions? Discuss, based on your knowledge and experience.

#countries #governments #spemd #amounts #money #arts #taxpayers #health #education
While
 some people believe that authorities invest plenty of money into the
arts
instead
 of spending more on health and education, others support
such
 kind of investment.
This
 essay agrees with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 necessity of
contribution
Replace the word
contributing
show examples
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
arts
, and I will try to explain
this
basing
Replace the word
based
show examples
 on
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 examples. The first
agrument
Correct your spelling
argument
 in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of
this
 is the importance of the
arts
 in our life.
For example
, observation of numerous amazing sculptures and
painting
Fix the agreement mistake
paintings
show examples
 fosters a culture of perception of the surroundings.
Moreover
,
such
 elements are a bridge between the past and the present, helping to understand how our ancestors saw the beauty and uniqueness of nature, people and the relationships between them. Needless to say,
governements
Correct your spelling
governments
 should finance the
arts
 to give people an opportunity to have
mentioned
Correct article usage
the mentioned
show examples
 benefits.
Secondly
, for small
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
this
 is a good chance to express themselves thanks to their representatives in various types of art.
For example
, my homeland is a rather small country, but the famous composer Aram Khachaturian made it famous throughout the world.
In addition
, if the country
organize
Change the verb form
organizes
show examples
 cultural events, it would host
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of tourists, and,
consiquently
Correct your spelling
consequently
, would have income into the economy.
Finally
, I do not think that the investment
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
arts
 is a big fraction of the national budget,
hence
 I am convinced, that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society should not
warry
Correct your spelling
worry
show examples
 about
waste
Add an article
the waste
a waste
show examples
 of money. In conclusion,
while
 education and health are crucial for any country, I wholeheartedly believe,
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 paintings, music, and sculptures play
also
 a significant role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Moreover
, in some cases, art events can be beneficial for society.
Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay introduction clearly addresses the prompt and presents a clear position that reflects the extent to which you agree or disagree with the given opinions.
task achievement
Develop your main points by including more detailed examples, data, or explanations to provide a more comprehensive argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical progression of your essay by improving transitions between sentences and paragraphs for better coherence.
coherence cohesion
Refrain from using first-person pronouns ('I') to maintain a more formal and objective tone in your writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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