Although for most people it takes a long time to become successful, for some, it happens at a very young age. Are the disadvantages of being a young celebrity greater than the advantages.

#people #time #age #celebrity

In recent years, gaining

successful

Replace the word

success

show examples

in life for some people

are

Change the verb form

show examples

effortless;

however

, there are some people who try harder to have a better life. People claim that being young artists

are

Verb problem

makes it

show examples

easy to obtain success in the future effortlessly. It can be argued that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

success cannot be

gotten

Verb problem

achieved

show examples

without hard work, even though celebrities itself. As

such

, there are merits and demerits to

this

opinion,

although

I opine that its merits outweigh the demerits. In

this

essay, I will convey all the relevant facets based on factual premises. It could be argued that they would

loss

Replace the word

lose

show examples

their privacy and constantly obtain the spotlight from mass media and

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

at an immature.

However

, being a celebrity is a choice, and if they chose

this

path, they would acknowledge that

this

Remove the article

apply

show examples

one type of

occupations

Fix the agreement mistake

occupation

show examples

that always got highlighted

from

Change preposition

show examples

public

Add an article

the public

show examples

For example

, 20

percent

Change the spelling

per cent

show examples

young

Change preposition

of young

show examples

celebrities in Indonesia admitted that forfeiting their privacy is one of the

profession

Replace the word

professional

show examples

consequences. It can

also

be argued that young

superstar

Fix the agreement mistake

superstars

show examples

would lose education opportunities

due to

start

Wrong verb form

starting

show examples

a career early.

However

, in big countries

such

as South Korea and China, there

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

regulation

Fix the agreement mistake

regulations

show examples

about time

restriction

Fix the agreement mistake

restrictions

show examples

for young artists.

Moreover

, education chances can be obtained

Change preposition

apply

show examples

anywhere and anytime

such

as learning through online platforms.

For example

, there is

rule

Add an article

the rule

a rule

show examples

in South Korea for Idols who

Add a missing verb

are under18

show examples

under18

Correct your spelling

under 18

years old cannot attend music shows or awards

Change preposition

at more

show examples

than 10 pm and must

be attending

Wrong verb form

attend

show examples

school

through

Change preposition

apply

show examples

online or offline. In

counclusion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

, there are numerous advantages and disadvantages to

Wrong verb form

being

show examples

young

artists

Fix the agreement mistake

artist

show examples

However

, I strongly agree, a great time management can help them to manage their schedules as an artist and a learner.

Moreover

, the privacy that

get

Change the verb form

gets

show examples

destroyed is one of the ramifications

to be

Change preposition

of being

show examples

famous.

Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on Tue Jan 30 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure

Be sure that your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion could be more explicitly defined to guide the reader.

support

Develop your main points more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.

logical flow

Organize your essay in a logical way that makes your arguments easy to follow. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs will also help with the essay's flow.

task response

Ensure you answer all parts of the question. Your essay should address both the advantages and disadvantages of being a young celebrity, as well as provide a clear opinion, which should be evident throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

295 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

privacy invasion
scrutinize
overwhelming pressure
mental health
miss out
exploitation
financial gain
financial independence
unique opportunities
renowned personalities
life experiences
peer influence
social advocacy

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Although for most people it takes a long time to become successful, for some, it happens at a very young age. Are the disadvantages of being a young celebrity greater than the advantages.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Computers and A.I technology are increasingly being used for online education. Can arficial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community?

Some people think adults should give children freedom to make mistakes. Others think adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?