Although for most people it takes a long time to become successful, for some, it happens at a very young age. Are the disadvantages of being a young celebrity greater than the advantages.

In recent years, gaining
successful
Replace the word
success
show examples
in life for some people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
effortless;
however
, there are some people who try harder to have a better life. People claim that being young artists
are
Verb problem
makes it
show examples
easy to obtain success in the future effortlessly. It can be argued that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success cannot be
gotten
Verb problem
achieved
show examples
without hard work, even though celebrities itself. As
such
, there are merits and demerits to
this
opinion,
although
I opine that its merits outweigh the demerits. In
this
essay, I will convey all the relevant facets based on factual premises. It could be argued that they would
loss
Replace the word
lose
show examples
their privacy and constantly obtain the spotlight from mass media and
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
at an immature.
However
, being a celebrity is a choice, and if they chose
this
path, they would acknowledge that
this
is
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
one type of
occupations
Fix the agreement mistake
occupation
show examples
that always got highlighted
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
For example
, 20
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
young
Change preposition
of young
show examples
celebrities in Indonesia admitted that forfeiting their privacy is one of the
profession
Replace the word
professional
show examples
consequences. It can
also
be argued that young
superstar
Fix the agreement mistake
superstars
show examples
would lose education opportunities
due to
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
a career early.
However
, in big countries
such
as South Korea and China, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
about time
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
for young artists.
Moreover
, education chances can be obtained
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
anywhere and anytime
such
as learning through online platforms.
For example
, there is
rule
Add an article
the rule
a rule
show examples
in South Korea for Idols who
Add a missing verb
are under18
show examples
under18
Correct your spelling
under 18
years old cannot attend music shows or awards
more
Change preposition
at more
show examples
than 10 pm and must
be attending
Wrong verb form
attend
show examples
school
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online or offline. In
counclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, there are numerous advantages and disadvantages to
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
young
artists
Fix the agreement mistake
artist
show examples
.
However
, I strongly agree, a great time management can help them to manage their schedules as an artist and a learner.
Moreover
, the privacy that
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
destroyed is one of the ramifications
to be
Change preposition
of being
show examples
famous.
Submitted by gladysdharmawan1994 on

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structure
Be sure that your essay includes a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction and conclusion could be more explicitly defined to guide the reader.
support
Develop your main points more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.
logical flow
Organize your essay in a logical way that makes your arguments easy to follow. Transitions between sentences and paragraphs will also help with the essay's flow.
task response
Ensure you answer all parts of the question. Your essay should address both the advantages and disadvantages of being a young celebrity, as well as provide a clear opinion, which should be evident throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • privacy invasion
  • scrutinize
  • overwhelming pressure
  • mental health
  • miss out
  • exploitation
  • financial gain
  • financial independence
  • unique opportunities
  • renowned personalities
  • life experiences
  • peer influence
  • social advocacy
What to do next:
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