Some people think that in order to solve trafic and transportation problems people should be encouraged to live in citeies rather than in suburbs or in the countryside. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, some
people
think that to solve traffic and transportation problems people
should move to live in the city
rather than in the suburbs. In this
essay, I will both
discuss the merits and demerits of living in the Correct pronoun usage
apply
city
.
There are several benefits to living in the city
. Firstly
, some people
think that living in the cities
is more entertaining than the countryside.
There is a lot of nightlife in the city
. For
example
, there are night clubs
Correct your spelling
nightclubs
,
and karaoke for Remove the comma
apply
people
who look for fun after work. Secondly
, living in the city
can also
easily bond with family and friends. People
can find a place to catch up with each other easily. For
example
, Hong Kong people
usually go to YumCha with their family and friends on
every Sunday.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, there are also
some disadvantages to living in the city
. Some people
may be concerned if
Correct word choice
that
people
seeking to live in cities
can raise the cost of housing. Buying a
same size house in the Correct article usage
the
city
or in the countryside can have huge different prices. For
example
, A 600 sq ft home in the city
costs three times as much as it does in the countryside. Besides
that, living in the city
can have negative effects on health. There is more air pollution caused by cars in the city
than in the suburbs. For
example
, Some people
may get illnesses or nasal allergies.
In conclusion, living in the
urban areas is more entertaining and convenient for bonding with family and friends. Correct article usage
apply
However
, the cost of housing and health issues still bother people
who want to live in cities
. In my opinion, I believe that living in the cities
is more suitable for modern people
rather than the elderly.Submitted by 68aimmia on
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task achievement
Your introduction should provide a clearer background to the topic and rephrase the question to set the context for your discussion. Ensure you have a clear thesis statement that outlines the structure of your essay.
task achievement
Develop both sides of the argument more fully. While you mention entertainment and bonding with family as benefits, and health and cost issues as drawbacks, these points need to be elaborated on to give a more comprehensive response to the question.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your main points. While you give examples such as nightlife and housing costs, you could elaborate further, showing how these affect individuals' decisions to live in cities or suburbs, thus helping to solve traffic and transportation problems.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph is well-structured with a clear main idea, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas between and within paragraphs. Logical connectors like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', 'On the contrary', and appropriate transition phrases will improve the cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
A well-developed introduction and conclusion are crucial. Your introduction sets the stage for the discussion, so make sure it is engaging and coherent. The conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your position without introducing new ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example