IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

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Economic growth around the world has led to a surge in owning private vehicles.
Although
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 both individuals and society benefit from
this
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 approach, I believe that environmental damage outweighs the benefits. It is undeniable that owning a private vehicle brings several benefits for both humans and society. On an individual aspect, a car has given the owner the freedom of movement.
This
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 means that more people can travel for the ease of transportation, with no time wasting for taking the bus or train.
Also
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, families can travel together more easily, especially when there are elderly or disabled members who might find public transport uncomfortable to use. On the societal level, the automobile industry is deeply integrated into the global economy, generating significant employment opportunities and contributing to economic growth.
For example
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, thousands of jobs have been created to serve automobile travellers
such
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 as working at the filling station and garage.
However
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, the disadvantages of
this
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 trend for the environment should not be overlooked.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that cars are a significant source of greenhouse gas emissions, primarily carbon dioxide, which contributes to climate change and global warming.
Additionally
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, car emissions contribute to
air
Use synonyms
 pollution, releasing pollutants
such
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 as carbon monoxide, nitrogen oxides, and particulate matter, which can harm human health and degrade
air
Use synonyms
 quality. To illustrate,
according to
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 a study by the European Environment Agency, road transport is responsible for over 70% of the total carbon monoxide emissions, which is a major
air
Use synonyms
 pollutant, in Europe.
As a result
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, many people in cities have suffered from diseases because of their exposure to the contaminated atmosphere.
Secondly
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, the construction and maintenance of roads, highways, and parking infrastructure can lead to habitat loss, fragmentation, and environmental degradation, particularly in ecologically sensitive areas. In conclusion, even though private car ownership offers convenience, the burgeoning numbers take a significant toll on the environment. The detrimental impacts on
air
Use synonyms
 quality and heightened resource consumption far outweigh the benefits, underscoring the efforts to promote sustainable transportation solutions,
such
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 as public transit, cycling infrastructure, car-sharing programs, and the adoption of electric vehicles
while
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 ensuring continued access to mobility and convenience for individuals.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure a clear, logical structure within your essay by starting with a solid introduction, followed by body paragraphs each discussing a separate point, and concluding effectively. This helps maintain coherence and guides your reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and signal the beginning and the end of your argument effectively. Consider enhancing the transition between paragraphs for a smoother flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Support your main points with more specific examples and evidence. Specific facts, figures, or studies add credibility to your argument and improve the persuasive quality of your essay.
Task Response
Respond fully to the task by addressing all parts of the prompt. Ensure that your essay both identifies and explains the advantages for individuals and the disadvantages for the environment systematically.
Task Response
Present your ideas comprehensively yet succinctly. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, explained, supported, and concluded effectively.
Task Response
Incorporate relevant, specific examples to substantiate your arguments. This strengthens your essay by providing evidence to support your claims, making your argument more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • personal mobility
  • convenience
  • commuting
  • quality of life
  • personalized space
  • carbon emissions
  • global warming
  • air pollution
  • traffic congestion
  • environmental degradation
  • resource depletion
  • electric vehicles
  • carpooling
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