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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #university #students #study #subjects #future #science #technology
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Nowadays, the majority of
people
 in the world are literate. With the variety of fields at schools
as well as
 universities the question of whether
students
 should be permitted to choose the subjects that they are interested in or it should be beyond their control.
while
 some believe that
students
 should be able to select whatever they want, others think they should only be allowed to opt
some
Change preposition
for some
show examples
 specific subjects which are more practical in future like science and technology, In the following paragraph,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both views and give my own point of view. On the one hand, a significant number of
people
 claim that
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should be allowed to opt for their fields of
study
 because they know their talents better than others. They should possess
this
 right and it is more likely to make progress easier
according to
 their talents. If they are forced to choose the unwanted subjects, it is more likely to defeat them.
For example
, a student who is interested in art, might not be successful in technology even with state-of-the-art facilities.
In addition
, they are motivated to find new achievements because they pursue their
study
 with sufficient incentive.
As a result
, the more they are free to select their goals of
study
, the better
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
 they will achieve.
On the other hand
, other groups of individuals are of the belief that
students
 are not aware of the importance of the modern era and should know more about science to assist
people
 in emergency situations.
In other words
, the modern world causes a wide range of problems and illnesses which require more specialists to cope with these kinds of illnesses.
For instance
, many
people
 have died
due to
 a new virus in recent years. Just doctors,scientists and specialists in technology could prevent the mortality rate.
Thus
, it is far better if student
be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 encouraged to continue their education in some specific fields of
study
. In conclusion,
although
 I know why some
people
 say
students
 should choose whatever they want to
study
, I believe that they should be guided to
study
 what is more beneficial for them
as well as
 for society.
Submitted by sr.alizadeh9191 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should present both views and your thesis statement. Each body paragraph should discuss a single view with supporting details. The conclusion should summarise your discussion and restate your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas by using cohesive devices effectively. Transition words and phrases should be used to connect sentences and paragraphs, so the reader can follow your argument easily.
coherence cohesion
Each main point should be explained and supported with specific examples or reasons. Avoid general statements and strive to be more detailed in your explanation of why a point is valid or important.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task by discussing both views provided and giving your own opinion. Ensure that your opinion is clear and consistent throughout the essay.
task achievement
Develop your ideas thoroughly to present a clear, comprehensive response. Make sure to expand on your ideas with explanations or examples that illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant and specific examples to support your points. These examples should be well-chosen and directly related to the topic you're discussing. This will make your essay more convincing and substantiated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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