Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #children #freedom

People

always think

children

are now given

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

excessive freedom. The form is hazardous to

children

and as

such

is not needed. I entirely disagree with

this

opinion and I believe that

children

should be naughty and bad. So they may join

criminal

Fix the agreement mistake

criminals

show examples

To begin

with, some more

people

have been buying something which

children

are wanted

Wrong verb form

want

show examples

, and they are not being hard. If parents do not

Verb problem

work

show examples

hard,

children

will misbehave and be unpleasant.

For example

children

current

Correct article usage

the current

show examples

are wayward. Mainly fathers are

being

Verb problem

apply

show examples

culpable

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because

pro

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

genies

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

with their mothers and their mothers are schoolmarmish, and they fear

Change preposition

apply

show examples

their mothers.

However

, fathers buy everything for them,

after

Correct word choice

and after

show examples

that,

children

will be wayward. So parents do not have to play by

children

’s rules.

On the other hand

currently

Add a comma

currently,

show examples

another

Replace the adjective

other

show examples

parents are not focusing on their

children

because chiefly they are spending their time

to work

Change the verb form

working

show examples

Then

children

are doing activities which they

wanted

Wrong verb form

want

show examples

with bad boys.

For instance

, they are smoking and drinking alcohol. Worse than

that

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

40%

crimes

Change preposition

of crimes

show examples

are being

done

Verb problem

committed

show examples

under age

Correct your spelling

underage

show examples

people

That is

wretchedness. In conclusion,

this

essay argues that some believe that

children

nowadays have too much freedom, but I

did

Wrong verb form

show examples

not agree

that

Change preposition

with that

show examples

way. In my opinion,

people

must look after their

children

and must not do everything which

children

are wanted.

Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on Tue Jan 30 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is important to organize your thoughts into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear main idea, and to use cohesive devices to link these ideas together.

coherence cohesion

Introduction and conclusion were included, but they did not effectively frame the essay. The introduction should give a brief background to the topic, present your thesis statement clearly, and outline the points you will discuss. The conclusion should restate your thesis and summarize the main points made in the body without adding new information.

coherence cohesion

Make sure each paragraph contains one main point that supports your argument and is expanded with specific examples or explanations. Avoid repeating ideas or being overly general.

task achievement

Ensure that you respond to the task by directly addressing the question throughout the essay. Your position on the topic should be clear from the introduction through to the conclusion. Stick to the topic at hand and avoid going off on tangents.

task achievement

Develop your ideas fully to give a clear and comprehensive understanding of your argument. This includes providing specific, relevant examples to illustrate your points.

task achievement

Delve deeper into the explanations of your examples to show a more developed understanding of the topic. This will also help the reader to understand and be persuaded by your argument.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

224 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Word Count

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think that it is a waste of money for countries to host big sporting events like the world cup, and that the money would be better spent on other things. However, others think that hosting large sporting events has a clear, positive impact on a coutry. Discuss both views

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to look after them. What are the problems related to this? What are some possible solutions?

Nowadays, learning have gained in popularity but some people argue that courses can never be as good as those taken by attending a college or university in person. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

Economic growth is one way to measure a country’s success, but what else should we look at? Which do you think is the most important?