Some people think that children nowadays have too much freedom. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People
always think children
are now given the
excessive freedom. The form is hazardous to Correct article usage
apply
children
and as such
is not needed. I entirely disagree with this
opinion and I believe that children
should be naughty and bad. So they may join criminal
.
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
To begin
with, some more people
have been buying something which children
are wanted
, and they are not being hard. If parents do not Wrong verb form
want
be
hard, Verb problem
work
children
will misbehave and be unpleasant. For example
, children
of current
are wayward. Mainly fathers are Correct article usage
the current
being
culpableVerb problem
apply
,
because Remove the comma
apply
pro
genies Correct word choice
apply
be
with their mothers and their mothers are schoolmarmish, and they fear Wrong verb form
are
of
their mothers. Change preposition
apply
However
, fathers buy everything for them, after
that, Correct word choice
and after
children
will be wayward. So parents do not have to play by children
’s rules.
On the other hand
, currently
Add a comma
currently,
another
parents are not focusing on their Replace the adjective
other
children
because chiefly they are spending their time to work
. Change the verb form
working
Then
children
are doing activities which they wanted
with bad boys. Wrong verb form
want
For instance
, they are smoking and drinking alcohol. Worse than that
is
40% Unnecessary verb
apply
crimes
are being Change preposition
of crimes
done
by Verb problem
committed
under age
Correct your spelling
underage
people
. That is
wretchedness.
In conclusion, this
essay argues that some believe that children
nowadays have too much freedom, but I did
not agree Wrong verb form
do
that
way. In my opinion, Change preposition
with that
people
must look after their children
and must not do everything which children
are wanted.Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure. It is important to organize your thoughts into distinct paragraphs, each with a clear main idea, and to use cohesive devices to link these ideas together.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion were included, but they did not effectively frame the essay. The introduction should give a brief background to the topic, present your thesis statement clearly, and outline the points you will discuss. The conclusion should restate your thesis and summarize the main points made in the body without adding new information.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph contains one main point that supports your argument and is expanded with specific examples or explanations. Avoid repeating ideas or being overly general.
task achievement
Ensure that you respond to the task by directly addressing the question throughout the essay. Your position on the topic should be clear from the introduction through to the conclusion. Stick to the topic at hand and avoid going off on tangents.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to give a clear and comprehensive understanding of your argument. This includes providing specific, relevant examples to illustrate your points.
task achievement
Delve deeper into the explanations of your examples to show a more developed understanding of the topic. This will also help the reader to understand and be persuaded by your argument.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.