IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays
people
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 argue that the main environmental problem of our time is the extinction of some
species
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 of flora and fauna.
While
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 others say that there are more important and serious problems. In
this
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 essay, I will examine both perspectives before presenting my own opinion. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that clean water, air pollution, natural disasters, and climate change are more important than the loss of
species
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 in
wildlife
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such
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 as white rhinos and Bengal tigers.
To begin
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 with, deforestation is one of the crucial keys for
wildlife
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 because it is home to most animals and plants,
in addition
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, it is essential for human life
due to
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 high oxygen production, and furniture companies are destroying it unstopping.
However
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, furniture companies keep cutting trees with large machines that
also
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 pollute the air all because of the high sales and profit.
In addition
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, climate change is the most important problem that includes not only
people
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 but
also
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wildlife
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.
On the other hand
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, from the beginning of life, there were millions of
species
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 disappeared,
however
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, these numbers increased when humans began developing and settling down in untouched territories that used to be the home of some endemic animals and plants.
Although
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,
people
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 have learned from their mistakes and started to regenerate the endangered
species
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.
For example
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, in the
last
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 century, the number of pandas almost decreased to 50,
however
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 with the help of the Chinese government zoos with professional workers have been built, and now pandas are not in danger of disappearing.
To sum up
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, in my opinion, both sides are rightful because if
wildlife
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 gets damaged
also
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 we would suffer from
this
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. Our activities and mistakes make today harder to live on our planet for every living thing.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay follows a clear and logical structure. Use transitional phrases to smoothly connect ideas and paragraphs. Avoid abrupt transitions that might confuse the reader.
coherence cohesion
Expand on the supporting details for each main point. Use more specific examples and facts to back up your arguments. This will strengthen the coherence of your essay and make your points more persuasive.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task to achieve a higher score in task achievement. Your opinion should be clearly stated and extended upon throughout the essay, not just in the conclusion.
task achievement
Provide a more in-depth exploration of the ideas presented. Offer a more nuanced discussion that considers various aspects of the environmental issues at hand. This demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Illustrate your points with relevant and specific examples. Give instances where applicable to support your arguments. Avoid generic or vague statements that do not add value to the discussion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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