Governments give a lot of supprt to artists, even though some people think it is a wast of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Artists
are provided a lot of support and guidance by the government, however
it is questionable if it is a waste of finances that could be invested Add a comma
however,
elsewhere
. Within the essay, we will discuss why people
feel like art
is a
important phenomenon, providing culture and heritage within a city, which is what Change the article
an
this
essay aligns with, this
could ultimately be a return of
investments. Change preposition
on
On the contrary
, others may disagree and feel it is essentially a waste of money
.
Art
provides culture and architecture within the city, this
can be essential as it gives the town a sense of uniqueness. Ultimately, the masterpiece may attract tourists to come and visit the town or city, which may be known for its timeless pieces. For instance
, The Mona Lisa, created by Van Gogh is a core artwork that brings in millions of people
from around the world, to merely look at the painting. Resonating that investing money
in artists
is beneficial as it creates not only visual appeality
to the town but Correct your spelling
appeal
appealing
also
, a lot of money
, further
pinpointing the advantages.
On the other hand
, it is not certain that the art
pieces would achieve recognition, in fact majority of artists
have failed artwork that essentially, leads them to depression and shame. For example
, Van Gogh only became famous, after he had died, this
shows that,
the return Remove the comma
apply
of
investment may take years, Change preposition
on
whereas
there are many ways which
faster more reliable investments can be made. To give an instance, if the government invested the Change preposition
in which
money
within the community, it would make a substantial amount of people
happier and in return, more money
through the increase of rental or sale prices of the apartments.
Art
is a staple-piece
within cities and towns, Correct your spelling
staple piece
although
there could be other forms of investments being made Correct word choice
and although
such
as accommodation in communities, I personally believe that art
is priceless but can also
be extremely beneficial to a place. It is noted that not all artists
become famous, creating timeless pieces but if we don't try, we are inevitably on the path of failure, for not believing in ourselves. In conclusion, art
is a sense of community, bringing people
together, so substantially outweighing the negative aspects.Submitted by Sandraali_k on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that both views and your own opinion are discussed in a balanced way throughout the essay. The introduction should set this expectation clearly.
coherence cohesion
Use a clear logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each view, and conclusion to aid readability and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Support each point with specific examples. While you provided an example with the Mona Lisa and Van Gogh, more could be added to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Throughout your essay, work on developing ideas thoroughly. Each main point should be well-explained and supported with evidence or reasoning.
task achievement
Be careful with factual accuracy - the Mona Lisa was painted by Leonardo da Vinci, not Van Gogh. This could mislead and confuse readers.
task achievement
Include a more comprehensive conclusion which succinctly summarises both views and clearly restates your own position.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?