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Writing Samples
Band 5

Governments give a lot of supprt to artists, even though some people think it is a wast of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Artists
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 are provided a lot of support and guidance by the government,
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however
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however,
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 it is questionable if it is a waste of finances that could be invested
elsewhere
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. Within the essay, we will discuss why
people
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 feel like
art
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 is
a
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an
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 important phenomenon, providing culture and heritage within a city, which is what
this
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 essay aligns with,
this
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 could ultimately be a return
of
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on
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 investments.
On the contrary
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, others may disagree and feel it is essentially a waste of
money
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.
Art
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 provides culture and architecture within the city,
this
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 can be essential as it gives the town a sense of uniqueness. Ultimately, the masterpiece may attract tourists to come and visit the town or city, which may be known for its timeless pieces.
For instance
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, The Mona Lisa, created by Van Gogh is a core artwork that brings in millions of
people
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 from around the world, to merely look at the painting. Resonating that investing
money
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 in
artists
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 is beneficial as it creates not only visual
appeality
Correct your spelling
appeal
appealing
 to the town but
also
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, a lot of
money
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,
further
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 pinpointing the advantages. 
On the other hand
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, it is not certain that the
art
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 pieces would achieve recognition, in fact majority of
artists
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 have failed artwork that essentially, leads them to depression and shame.
For example
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, Van Gogh only became famous, after he had died,
this
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 shows that
,
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apply
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 the return
of
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on
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 investment may take years,
whereas
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 there are many ways
which
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in which
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 faster more reliable investments can be made. To give an instance, if the government invested the
money
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 within the community, it would make a substantial amount of
people
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 happier and in return, more
money
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 through the increase of rental or sale prices of the apartments.
Art
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 is a
staple-piece
Correct your spelling
staple piece
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 within cities and towns,
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although
Correct word choice
and although
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 there could be other forms of investments being made
such
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 as accommodation in communities, I personally believe that
art
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 is priceless but can
also
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 be extremely beneficial to a place. It is noted that not all
artists
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 become famous, creating timeless pieces but if we don't try, we are inevitably on the path of failure, for not believing in ourselves. In conclusion,
art
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 is a sense of community, bringing
people
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 together, so substantially outweighing the negative aspects.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that both views and your own opinion are discussed in a balanced way throughout the essay. The introduction should set this expectation clearly.
coherence cohesion
Use a clear logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each view, and conclusion to aid readability and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Support each point with specific examples. While you provided an example with the Mona Lisa and Van Gogh, more could be added to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Throughout your essay, work on developing ideas thoroughly. Each main point should be well-explained and supported with evidence or reasoning.
task achievement
Be careful with factual accuracy - the Mona Lisa was painted by Leonardo da Vinci, not Van Gogh. This could mislead and confuse readers.
task achievement
Include a more comprehensive conclusion which succinctly summarises both views and clearly restates your own position.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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