These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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Recently, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
a phenomenon where
people
are leaving the place
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
they were born.
This
situation
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
its own
advantages
and disadvantages. In
this
essay, I believe that there are more
advantages
than
the
Correct article usage
apply
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disadvantages
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which I will discuss in
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
following paragraphs. The
advantages
of
people
moving away from the place they were born
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
that there might be more employment opportunities and
better
Correct article usage
a better
show examples
quality of
live
Replace the word
life
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. I believe that the prime driver of why
people
are moving away is that they are searching for better economic opportunities and better access to education, healthcare and other services. For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
,
people
who came from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
and
born
Add a missing verb
were born
show examples
in slums or poor
neighborhood
Fix the agreement mistake
neighborhoods
show examples
will
be moving
Wrong verb form
move
show examples
away once they get the
opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
show examples
to do so.
However
,
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
benefits only impacted the individuals who left their homes where they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
born.
On the other hand
, they left their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
behind. Leaving their own
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
will have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
consequence of their
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
losing more
people
.
This
in turn will have the consequences of reduced
overall
economic activities.
For example
, an area that
lose
Change the verb form
loses
show examples
more
people
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
to become a ghost town and can make their situation
worser
Correct your spelling
worse
.
However
,
this
should not be an issue as they simply can go back and contribute by providing more
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
for the societies where they were born. In sum, after considering both the
advantages
and disadvantages of the given situation, I believe that there are more
advantages
of adults leaving
their
Change the word
the
show examples
neighborhood
Change the spelling
neighbourhood
show examples
where they were born. I believe that even though there are more benefits for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals,
such
individuals could
also
bring benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
the societies they left behind.
Submitted by athaarhdyn on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it, providing a roadmap for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Maintain logical progressions throughout your paragraphs to support your main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to enhance the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Fully develop your ideas with specific examples, showing a clear position throughout your essay.
task achievement
Provide a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, and ensure that your conclusion summarizes your argument coherently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • metropolitan
  • migration
  • globalization
  • socio-economic factors
  • traditional norms
  • cosmopolitan environment
  • brain drain
  • assimilation
  • gentrification
  • alienation
  • multiculturalism
  • infrastructure strain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: