These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #area #adults #development

Recently, there

Wrong verb form

has been

show examples

a phenomenon where

people

are leaving the place

which

Correct word choice

where

show examples

they were born.

This

situation

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

its own

advantages

and disadvantages. In

this

essay, I believe that there are more

advantages

than

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

disadvantages

Change preposition

apply

show examples

which I will discuss in

this

Correct determiner usage

the

show examples

following paragraphs. The

advantages

people

moving away from the place they were born

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

show examples

that there might be more employment opportunities and

better

Correct article usage

a better

show examples

quality of

live

Replace the word

life

show examples

. I believe that the prime driver of why

people

are moving away is that they are searching for better economic opportunities and better access to education, healthcare and other services. For

instances

Fix the agreement mistake

instance

show examples

people

who came from

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

poor

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

and

born

Add a missing verb

were born

show examples

in slums or poor

neighborhood

Fix the agreement mistake

neighborhoods

show examples

will

be moving

Wrong verb form

move

show examples

away once they get the

opportunities

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunity

show examples

to do so.

However

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

benefits only impacted the individuals who left their homes where they

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

born.

On the other hand

, they left their

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

behind. Leaving their own

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

will have

Correct article usage

the

show examples

consequence of their

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

losing more

people

This

in turn will have the consequences of reduced

overall

economic activities.

For example

, an area that

lose

Change the verb form

loses

show examples

people

tend

Correct subject-verb agreement

tends

show examples

to become a ghost town and can make their situation

worser

Correct your spelling

worse

However

this

should not be an issue as they simply can go back and contribute by providing more

opportunity

Fix the agreement mistake

opportunities

show examples

for the societies where they were born. In sum, after considering both the

advantages

and disadvantages of the given situation, I believe that there are more

advantages

of adults leaving

their

Change the word

the

show examples

neighborhood

Change the spelling

neighbourhood

show examples

where they were born. I believe that even though there are more benefits for

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

individuals,

such

individuals could

also

bring benefits

for

Change preposition

show examples

the societies they left behind.

Submitted by athaarhdyn on Tue Jan 30 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance on it, providing a roadmap for your essay.

coherence cohesion

Maintain logical progressions throughout your paragraphs to support your main points effectively.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and topic sentences to enhance the flow of your essay.

task achievement

Fully develop your ideas with specific examples, showing a clear position throughout your essay.

task achievement

Provide a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages, and ensure that your conclusion summarizes your argument coherently.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
30Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

277 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

metropolitan
migration
globalization
socio-economic factors
traditional norms
cosmopolitan environment
brain drain
assimilation
gentrification
alienation
multiculturalism
infrastructure strain

What to do next:

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These days, more and more people move away from the area where they were born and brought up when they become adults. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some developing countries it is difficult to recruit teachers to work in remote and rural areas and this can have a serious impact on education in these regions. Why do many teachers not want to work in these areas? What can be done to encourage teachers to take up posts in these regions?

In order to solve traffic jams and home problems, people believe that it can be solved by removing companies, factories and employees to country side. To what extend do you agree?

Some people believe that radio is the best source to get news while others think that television is better for this purpose. Discuss both perspectives and give your opinion with relevant examples?

Describe a story from a book or film that you enjoyed. You should say: where you read/saw/etc. it when you read/saw/etc. it what the story was about and explain why you enjoyed it.

Many people are moving from rural areas to big cities. Why has this happened? To what extent do you think it is a good trend?