IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Q) The Internet is generally considered as a blessing for mankind. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#q #internet #mankind
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Social media is regarded as a privilege for human beings. The benefits
such
Linking Words
 as
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business to
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business-to-business
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business
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 transactions, communication
tool
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tools
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 and learning
platform
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platforms
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 totally
overide
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outweigh
 the drawbacks of
cyber bullying
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cyberbullying
show examples
 and addiction. Even though the
internet
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 has proved to be more useful to
people
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, it has
it's
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its
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 own negative side. A lot of
people
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 suffer from cyber bullying especially the less advantaged
people
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 like disabled
people
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 and other public figures.
For example
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, deaf
people
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 are often attacked and humiliated by bullies on
instagram
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Instagram
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 through negative comments.
Additionally
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, the
internet
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 is negatively affecting many
people
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 especially young adults as they spend most of their time browsing different sites that are unproductive. For illustration, some game and application programmers design
softwares
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software
 that are very addictive. Despite the negatives of the
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internet
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internet,
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 the cons are exceeded by the pros. Since the
internet
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 was developed in the past years, communication has become very easier
especially
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, especially
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 over long distances. Social media allows families and friends who are many thousand miles away from each other to interact daily even though they
cant
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can't
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 meet physically .
For instance
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,
facebook
Capitalize word
Facebook
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 messenger provides a free platform to call and chat between two or more
people
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 thereby uniting families.
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Business
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Businesses
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has
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have
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 seen a spike in revenue
as a result
Linking Words
 of the
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 through mass advertising which targets customers beyond foreign
boarders
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borders
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 and easier
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business to
Add a hyphen
business-to-business
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business
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 transactions.
Lastly
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, the
internet
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 is a
usefull
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useful
 source of information for educational activities. It has become very convenient to search and download books on the
internet
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 with just a click.
For
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example
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example,
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people
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 no longer need to visit the library or job centers in person to look for jobs. Even though the
internet
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 has many demerits like
cyberbullyin
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cyberbullying
cyber bullying
 and addiction,
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however
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however,
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 they are
exceded
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exceeded
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 by the merits of communication
tool
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tools
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, convenient
source
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sources
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 of information and
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business to
Add a hyphen
business-to-business
show examples
business
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transaction
Fix the agreement mistake
transactions
show examples
.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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coherence cohesion
While the essay generally structures ideas logically, consider creating clearer paragraph separations and using a wider range of linking words to enhance flow. Also, ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and accompanying supporting sentences.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task sufficiently and presents relevant ideas. However, to better meet the task requirements, try to develop your arguments more fully. Provide more detailed examples and clearly state how they support your main points, leading to a more complete response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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