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Band 5

Has computer made man slave support your answer with relevant examples.

#computer #man #slave #support
Technology has ushered in a new era but it has
also
 brought some certain evil. The usage of devices like computers and mobile phones
have been
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 increased in the past few years. It is
also
 believed that these
device
Change the determiner
devices
show examples
 have made man their slave.
This
 essay will present some supporting reasons
along with
 the proper examples.
To begin
 with, Computers have the capability of solving
query
Fix the agreement mistake
queries
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and do
show examples
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 work within
the
Correct article usage
a
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 favourable time. Nowadays, people use
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 as an online platform, where they can meet new friends, chat with them and can get
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information about anything from the whole world.
However
, these devices have many benefits,
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
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 the
person
 weak. After getting
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all things
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 one place, the
person
don't
Change the verb form
doesn't
show examples
 even take a look
what's
Change preposition
at what's
show examples
 going
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
 the real world and
thus
 he just
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 stuck towards it for
whole
Add an article
the whole
show examples
 time. To prove it, many youngsters are
stuck
Rephrase
so stuck
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 with their laptops, that they don't even get
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved
show examples
within
Change preposition
with
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 their family members.
Moreover
,
this
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 the
person
 more reliable. After getting
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
all
features
Correct determiner usage
these features
show examples
 in one device, the
person
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 completely
reliable
Replace the word
reliant
show examples
 on it. There are many
place
Change to a plural noun
places
show examples
 where a
person
 needs to use his own thoughts, but after getting involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
 that device, he stops using his own intelligence.
For instance
, in India majority of students
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 know how to calculate the basic integration.
This
 is because
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they use
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
while
 doing their homework. In conclusion,
However
Add the comma(s)
However,
show examples
 computers have many benefits, a normal
person
 should never get too much involved
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 thing.
While spending
Correct word choice
Spending
show examples
 excessive time on screen can lead to eye problems
as well as
 muscular problems.
Submitted by hlife4454 on

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Task Response
To improve your score in task response, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt thoroughly. Expand on your points with a deeper analysis and discuss contrasting points of view to fully answer the question. Offer a balanced perspective with well-developed arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Introduce clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across paragraphs. Aim for a smooth progression of ideas throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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