IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

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These days, many individuals want to help their children to be good members of society. Some believe parents should teach them,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 others feel that school is better. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, both perspectives will be discussed with examples.
To begin
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 with, some people think that parents play an important role in bringing up their children.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is because they have significant affection for their teenagers, and these young individuals tend to listen to their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
 more than others.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they learn most of the things from their family,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as way of speaking and behaving with other humans.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in 2004, a student who always got low scores was saying that his father had encouraged him not to study.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, other humans think that teenagers mostly learn at school. They believe that at that age, they usually do not obey their family, which means they tend to be persuaded by what their teachers say.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 is because school is a social place with lots of other students, which encourages them to leave their bad behaviour in order not to be punished in front of others.
As a consequence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they all become sociable people with pleasant attitudes,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as a sense of respect. In conclusion, the majority of humans want their teens to have a nice personality,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are some arguments about the method of doing
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

. I tend to agree with the first opinion because I believe parents can affect them more than institutes.

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. This can be achieved by using topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. Using cohesive devices such as conjunctions, pronouns, and lexical phrases can also help connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
For task achievement, it's important to address all parts of the prompt. Make sure your essay includes a clear opinion and discusses both views comprehensively. Use relevant, detailed examples that are directly linked to the arguments being made to fully support your points and ensure that the response is complete.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but they could be more effective. Ensure that the introduction clearly sets the stage for your essay and outlines the main points, while the conclusion should summarize the discussion and restate your opinion more forcefully.
specific examples
Regarding specific examples, try to include more detailed and relevant illustrations to back up your arguments. Instead of general or hypothetical examples, provide concrete cases or real-life instances that demonstrate how parents or schools contribute to the social development of children.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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