Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.
These days, many individuals want to help their children to be good members of society. Some believe parents should teach them,
while
others feel that school is better. In this
essay, both perspectives will be discussed with examples.
To begin
with, some people think that parents play an important role in bringing up their children. This
is because they have significant affection for their teenagers, and these young individuals tend to listen to their family
more than others. Fix the agreement mistake
families
As a result
, they learn most of the things from their family, such
as way of speaking and behaving with other humans. For instance
, in 2004, a student who always got low scores was saying that his father had encouraged him not to study.
On the other hand
, other humans think that teenagers mostly learn at school. They believe that at that age, they usually do not obey their family, which means they tend to be persuaded by what their teachers say. This
is because school is a social place with lots of other students, which encourages them to leave their bad behaviour in order not to be punished in front of others. As a consequence
, they all become sociable people with pleasant attitudes, such
as a sense of respect.
In conclusion, the majority of humans want their teens to have a nice personality, however
, there are some arguments about the method of doing this
. I tend to agree with the first opinion because I believe parents can affect them more than institutes.Submitted by Ah.mahdavi1365 on
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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. This can be achieved by using topic sentences at the beginning of paragraphs, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence. Using cohesive devices such as conjunctions, pronouns, and lexical phrases can also help connect ideas more effectively.
task achievement
For task achievement, it's important to address all parts of the prompt. Make sure your essay includes a clear opinion and discusses both views comprehensively. Use relevant, detailed examples that are directly linked to the arguments being made to fully support your points and ensure that the response is complete.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, which is good, but they could be more effective. Ensure that the introduction clearly sets the stage for your essay and outlines the main points, while the conclusion should summarize the discussion and restate your opinion more forcefully.
specific examples
Regarding specific examples, try to include more detailed and relevant illustrations to back up your arguments. Instead of general or hypothetical examples, provide concrete cases or real-life instances that demonstrate how parents or schools contribute to the social development of children.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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