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Band 5

In some countries, many people suffer from health problems due to eating too much fast food. It is , therefore, necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. Do you agree or disagree ?

#countries #people #health #food #governments #tax
Junk
food
 plays a major role in modern
society
,
therefore
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
 for getting fast
food
 and they
trend
Correct your spelling
tend
show examples
 to get
non communicable
Add a hyphen
non-communicable
show examples
diseases
such
 as cholesterol, heart
diseases
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
 and
also
 cancer.
Therefore
 ,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should pay attention and take some
option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
show examples
for avoiding future illnesses,
whearas
Correct your spelling
whereas
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should establish
tax
Correct article usage
a tax
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
these
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 sort of
food
.
This
 essay agrees that a higher
tax
 should be paid by each and every
compan
Correct your spelling
company
.
Firstly
, higher rate of
tax
 should be increased yearly and if any company
missed
Verb problem
fails
show examples
 to pay
tax
,
fund
Add an article
the fund
a fund
show examples
 should be
double
Wrong verb form
doubled
show examples
.
Secondly
, introducing organic foods for the
society
.
Food
 industry companies should pay higher taxes
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
government
 as they recommended,
whearas
Correct your spelling
whereas
junk
food
 like
burger
Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
show examples
,pizza and other
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 display their ingredients of any kind of
food
. As an example,
food
 companies must give accurate information
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their customers.
Then
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 can
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
junk
food
ans
Correct your spelling
and
also
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 must launch programmes which
related
Add a missing verb
are related
show examples
 to
increase
Change the verb form
increasing
show examples
 health because life can be saved and
prevent
Wrong verb form
prevented
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
illnessess
Correct your spelling
illnesses
united
Capitalize word
United
show examples
 state is a prime example
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 increasing heart
diseases
 and cholesterol,
whears
Correct your spelling
where
 they spend much more money for
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
diseases
.
Furthermore
, encouraging
people
for growing
Change preposition
to grow
show examples
 organic plants and
introducing
Wrong verb form
introduce
show examples
nutrient
Replace the word
nutritious
show examples
food
 is
to
Correct word choice
important to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
. especially for children.
Initially
, introducing new meal plans which are rich
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 nutrients for
people
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 helpful for
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 healthy lives.
For instance
 , school is the best place for
awaring
Correct your spelling
awarding
 the whole
society
 because if we can change their mindset,
it
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 will
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
 get
besults
Correct your spelling
results
 for it.
Consequently
,
all most
Correct your spelling
almost
show examples
 all
society
 can be changed and they will tend to get healthy foods.
To
Change preposition
In
show examples
 conclusion,
junk
food
 should be taxed,
otherwise
Add a comma
otherwise,
show examples
 money can be imposed
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add an article
the hospital
a hospital
show examples
hospital
Fix the agreement mistake
hospitals
show examples
 for medication because
junk
 foods are more
threating
Correct your spelling
threatening
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 our health day by day.
Submitted by dilsha.charuki on

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coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your ideas more logically to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to include a clear introduction and conclusion to bookend your essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points with clearer explanations and more concrete examples to support your argument.
task achievement
Ensure that you respond completely to the task prompt with a clear opinion and thorough discussion.
task achievement
Clarify and expand your ideas to create a more comprehensive response to the question.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to illustrate your points and make your argument more persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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