Nowadays there is an increase in social problems involving young people because more parents spent time at work that with their children To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give specific reasons and examples to support your answers.
An increasing number of
parents
spending their time
at work leads to some issues regarding communication with their kids. Having taken other solutions into consideration, I agree with this
perspective and i
will elucidate with several reasons and explanations.
Many Change the capitalization
I
parents
nowadays both work in the office, thus
more than eight hours during the weekdays they are separated from their children
and only the weekend left. However
, this
circumstance cause
Change the verb form
causes
problems
towards their children
's social development, because their parents
utilize mobile phones for children
's entertainment. Screen time
,
is an activity of Remove the comma
apply
children
who spend a lot of time
watching smart phones
or television, Correct your spelling
smartphones
this
activity is considered as
the root cause of these social Change preposition
apply
problems
. For example
, children
are stricted
to watching YouTube for no more than 2 hours per day, because it could impact overstimulated and inhibit their brain development.
Another reason regarding Correct your spelling
restricted
this
issue is, that parents
rarely have time
to have small talk with their children
. As simple as, asking about their day, activities at school or their friendship relationship. Hence
, a problem may occur because of a lack of bonding between parents
and children
, such
as parents
not being aware of their children
's problems
. As a consequence
, many children
are never orafraid
to share their thoughts and opinions with their Correct your spelling
afraid
or afraid
parents
, because they believe that they do not care or never heard them. Take bullying as an example, many bullied kids are fear to confess it to parents
or teachers, hence
they are at risk get mental health problems
.
In conclusion, the problems
faced by children
with busy parents
is
communication and openness. I, Correct subject-verb agreement
are
therefore
, remain firmly convinced that working parents
could be the factor of children
's social drawback
.Fix the agreement mistake
drawbacks
Submitted by 2024successielts on
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introduction conclusion present
A clear introduction is present, but it lacks a thesis statement that clearly outlines your position. Consider adding a sentence that explicitly states your opinion.
supported main points
The essay tends to generalize instead of exploring ideas in depth. Be sure to develop your points fully and explain how they specifically relate to the question.
supported main points
Make sure each body paragraph contains one main idea that is explored in depth, supported by specific examples and explanations
complete response
The essay addresses the question, but there are areas where you could expand upon how parents' working hours directly lead to social problems among children. Elaborate on this causal relationship with more specific examples.
logical structure
The structure of the essay is adequate, but transitions between paragraphs could be improved. Use linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and paragraphs.
clear comprehensive ideas
The ideas are related to the topic, but they could be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Use more complex sentence structures and vocabulary to express ideas with clarity.
relevant specific examples
Include more precise examples to illustrate your points. Rather than just stating generalities, describe detailed scenarios or cite studies that show the impact of parental absence on children's social development.