Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To with extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Music
has many genres that can be enjoyed by a
various Correct article usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
people
without background limitations, namely culture and age. This
happens because music
can bring relatable experiences
and create solidarity. I absolutely agree with this
statement that music
is a good way to unify people
despite their differences.
First of all, many artists write songs based on their experiences
, such
as our love life. Usually, they write sad lyrics that relate to the majority of people
. There is no limitation in experiencing a sad relationship because it might happen to everyone. That is
why, people
can enjoy songs without cultural or age barriers. Take Justin Bieber for instance
, he has the biggest listener in the world because his lyrics are relatable to general people
's experiences
.
Moreover
, people
who have the same music
taste are most likely to form a fanbase. In this
group, people
can get a sense of friendship although
coming from different backgrounds. This
happens because they share the same interest so they feel more open to other people
. Consider the now-rising Korean boy group, BTS: they have a solid fanbase from all over the world called ARMY that gives people
the opportunity to meet people
from different countries.
To sum up
, I believe that music
can eradicate the barriers of cultures and ages because people
can feel a relation to their own experiences
. Moreover
, fans of music
can also
create a group where they can share their interest freely. Hence
, music
is an enjoyable entertainment that gathers people
together.Submitted by helainhye2 on
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Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, consider developing your main points further by elaborating on how music influences these relationships and providing more detailed examples to support your view.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, you can improve by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to link your ideas more effectively.