Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To with extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

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Music

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has many genres that can be enjoyed by

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

various

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apply

show examples

people

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without background limitations, namely culture and age.

This

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happens because

music

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can bring relatable

experiences

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and create solidarity. I absolutely agree with

this

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statement that

music

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is a good way to unify

people

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despite their differences. First of all, many artists write songs based on their

experiences

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such

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as our love life. Usually, they write sad lyrics that relate to the majority of

people

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. There is no limitation in experiencing a sad relationship because it might happen to everyone.

That is

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why,

people

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can enjoy songs without cultural or age barriers. Take Justin Bieber

for instance

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, he has the biggest listener in the world because his lyrics are relatable to general

people

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experiences

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Moreover

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people

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who have the same

music

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taste are most likely to form a fanbase. In

this

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group,

people

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can get a sense of friendship

although

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coming from different backgrounds.

This

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happens because they share the same interest so they feel more open to other

people

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. Consider the now-rising Korean boy group, BTS: they have a solid fanbase from all over the world called ARMY that gives

people

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the opportunity to meet

people

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from different countries.

To sum up

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, I believe that

music

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can eradicate the barriers of cultures and ages because

people

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can feel a relation to their own

experiences

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Moreover

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, fans of

music

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can

also

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create a group where they can share their interest freely.

Hence

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music

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is an enjoyable entertainment that gathers

people

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together.

Submitted by helainhye2 on Wed Jan 31 2024

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Task Achievement

Your essay presents a clear position throughout the response. However, consider developing your main points further by elaborating on how music influences these relationships and providing more detailed examples to support your view.

Coherence and Cohesion

You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, you can improve by using a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing techniques to link your ideas more effectively.

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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