IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In today’s competitive world, many families find it necessary for both parents go out to work. While some say the children in these families benefit from the additional income, others feel they lack support because of their parents’ absence. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words

#today’s #world #families #parents #work #say #children #benefit #income #lack #support #parents’ #absence #reason
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In
this
 modern era, it is argued by some
of
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apply
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people that both parents are needed to find jobs to support their
children
 to gain benefit from the extra income,
while
the
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apply
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others think that kids need their father and mother to
spending
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spend
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 more time so they feel supported.
This
 essay will provide
further
 explanation as well examples for both
side
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sides
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 opinions. The additional income always
become
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becomes
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 an advantage for
family
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families
show examples
 to
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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 them self, especially for the growth of the
children
.
For example
, the parents can take their offspring to the best school with the best teachers and hire a tutor for studying.
Thats
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That's
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 a few reasons why I believe that the additional salary will
provided
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provide
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 the
children
the
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with the
show examples
 best environment for their learning
activity
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activities
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, but, the success of their
kid
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kids
show examples
 depend on
them self
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themself
themselves
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it is believed that
absence
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the absence
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 of their parents will have a negative impact on their development because of
lack
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the lack
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 of support, affection and figures to guide them in their troubled times.
For instance
, a kid will find
other role model
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another role model
other role models
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of
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how will they define their personality and how to behave in
the
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apply
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society, they don't have anybody to
relied
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rely
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 on or
taught
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to teach
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 them how to do it, that
why
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is why
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 I believe, in a supportive family the kid will have a better personality and social skill compare on the family that only give affection with money on their offsprings. still, by providing the best education that money can buy really helpful to increase success chance in
the
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apply
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academic learning. In conclusion, the two
both
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sides of opinion have their own advantages and disadvantages. From my perspective, we need to balance the need
of
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to
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 acquire more money with spending time with our
children
, even though, it will be hard to adjust the time of work and play with your
children
.
Submitted by awalia.septiani.17 on

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the topics that will be discussed and reflect on them in the conclusion to provide a clear sense of closure.
logical structure
Improve the logical structure by organizing ideas more systematically and developing clearer transitions between them.
supported main points
Support your main points with more specific examples and a deeper analysis to strengthen the argument.
complete response
Address the task more completely by fully discussing both views and your own opinion with a balanced amount of detail.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas more comprehensively. Aim for precision in expression and depth in content.
cohesive devices
Use a range of cohesive devices accurately and effectively to assist with the flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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