Some people prefer to do most of their shopping online. This has both positive and negative effects for individuals, businesses and society. Are there more advantages or more disadvantages of online shopping?
These days,
people
are more likely to do shopping online rather than to do it in the local shop. Some people
argue that this
kind of trend
has positive and negative impacts, not only for individuals but also
for society and businesses. Therefore
, this
essay will discuss both sides of shopping online.
It is undeniable that online shopping has become the most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
favorite
thing to do with current generationsChange the spelling
favourite
,
since it is more convenient for some Remove the comma
apply
people
to do shopping everywhere and everytime
as the only platform that they need is social media; a bunch of applications that can be accessed from our phone. Replace the word
every time
This
trend
leads to the widening of selling opportunities for everyone, particularly those who cannot afford to rent or buy any building or place to open their shop. In addition
to this
, people
tend to sell their products at a lower price because they do not have any obligations to pay the building tax, which resulting
in Change the form of the verb
results
the
increase in the number of buyers.
Correct article usage
an
On the other hand
, the tendency to buy things online surely affects the merchants who sell their things in the marketplace. Take the latest trend
in Indonesia as an example, in 2023, local market sellers boycotted TikTok Shop, an e-commerce platform that sells things at much cheaper prices. This
trend
prompted anger from the sellers due to
the decrease in their revenue because fewer people
came to their shops to buy their goods.
To sum up
, although
shopping online has a positive side such
as the chance to start a new job is increasing for many people
, the negative side should not be neglected by the governments. Hence
, proper online shopping regulations should be made to cover the drawbacks of this
matter.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea, and that supporting sentences are directly linked to it. Try maintaining paragraph unity by discussing only one main idea per paragraph.
coherence cohesion
For enhanced coherence, use a wider range of linking words to better connect ideas within and across paragraphs (e.g., 'furthermore,' 'on the contrary,' 'while it is true that'). This can also demonstrate greater linguistic flexibility.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clearer introductions and conclusions. The introduction could more directly address the question, stating whether there are more advantages or disadvantages. The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points and directly answer the essay question.
task achievement
Expand on the specific examples provided to illustrate your points better. Detailed examples strengthen the argument and make the essay more convincing.
task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the task are fully addressed. While both sides of the argument are discussed, the essay could more explicitly evaluate whether there are more advantages or disadvantages to provide a complete response.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from a wider range of vocabulary and more complex sentence structures to enhance the clarity and comprehensiveness of the ideas presented.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.