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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. Some people think that this is good for a country, while others believe that the government should control salaries and limit the amount that people can earn. Discuss both views and give your option.

#countries #people #salaries #country #government #control #limit #amount #option
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Salaries play a crucial role in
people
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's lives. In a few
nations
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, some mankind gets a high
salary
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. Whether some think that it is fruitful for
nations
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, others say that the authorities should control and limit the wages.
This
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 essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons.
To begin
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 with, higher earnings can give more
benefits
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 to the country.
People
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 pay tax amounts to the
government
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 in terms of how much amounts they earn,
as a result
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, the authorities have to collect a large amount of money as
taxes
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 from employees.
For example
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, Australians pay more
taxes
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 to their
government
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 in order to
they
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apply
show examples
get more fruitful
benefits
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 from the authorities
such
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 as free medical insurance, quality
of
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apply
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education and proper road facilities. Needless to say, getting higher
compensations
Fix the agreement mistake
compensation
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 provides enormous productive
benefits
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 to the
nations
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.
Therefore
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, receiving higher earnings is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
good for the
nations
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.
In contrast
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, the ruling party should control and limit
salary
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 to workers by fixed
salary
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 in terms of how
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 hours they work.
This
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 means all
people
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 have a chance to obtain
the
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apply
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equal reasonable
salary
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 packages without discrimination.
For instance
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
government
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 employees get
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equal and fixed salaries,
therefore
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, discrimination never
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
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 inside of the companies and offices.
Besides
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,
people
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 have to
be
Verb problem
have
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 the same economic status when they get fixed wages.
Hence
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, the ruling party should control and fix the compensation.
To conclude
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,
although
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 mankind
pay
Change the verb form
pays
show examples
 more
taxes
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 to the
government
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 through getting higher remunerations in order to
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get constructive
benefits
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,
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
equal and fixed wages can avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discrimination between humans. In my opinion about
this
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, I strongly agree
with
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apply
show examples
that higher remunerations can provide enormous
benefits
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 to the countries through
taxes
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.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Make sure your argument is clear throughout the essay. The introduction should state both views and your own opinion clearly. Use the body paragraphs to expand on each view with supporting examples and make sure your opinion is consistently reflected.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to give your essay a logical structure. Connect your ideas between sentences and paragraphs more clearly. Introduce some complex sentences to show better command of the language.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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