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Band 5

Many people likes to wear fashionable clothes Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or bad thing?

#people #clothes #case
These days, the majority of individuals follow the mode and the latest style to show their social status. Indeed, globalization leads to
this
 trend
that is
 not a positive flow. Since
people
 should focus on their personality beauty rather than their appearance style. To commence with,
People
 portray their financial situation with the model of their garments and accessories. To illustrate more wearing some luxury brands
such
 as Channel displays
level
Add an article
a level
the level
show examples
 of wealth .The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
such
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is the effect of social media sites and easy access of
people
 to the most recent data and news.
For example
, Juveniles could be informed about the celebrities’ style in
red
Add an article
the red
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 carpet award ceremony
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the same time of holding
event
Add an article
an event
the event
show examples
.
Therefore
, it is predictable that
people
 imitate famous superstars’
dressing
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
 and make an effort to purchase expensive clothes to show their social standing. From my perspective,
this
 is not a good trend. Since consumerism could have a negative effect on personality development.
While
 the energy and time are limited, when youngsters concentrate on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
appearance ,
consequently
 they will ignore human values. Unfortunately,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days a lot of
people
 know Instagram influencers
while
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 they
do
Verb problem
are
show examples
 not aware of their
scientists
Change noun form
scientist's
scientists'
show examples
 names. Definitely attention to both appearance and inner should be in balance. In a nutshell,
due to
 materialism and communication progress, chasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fashion is popular. Human beings ignore a lot of vital and moral values to just make their manifestations attractive and updated.
May be
Correct your spelling
Maybe
show examples
 it is time to change our shallow look
to
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the world.
Submitted by zohmoz93 on

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task response
While the essay addresses the task and provides a response, the argument lacks some depth. Try to provide more supporting details and examples to fully illustrate your points.
task response
Avoid repetitions and work on diversifying vocabulary to improve clarity and effectiveness of your argument. This will also help to maintain the reader's interest throughout your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph logically flows from one to the next using appropriate linking words and phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors, such as subject-verb agreement issues, to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the discussion effectively.
task response
The examples provided are relevant and help to illustrate the points being made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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