In some countries elder people are to work longer and not to retire. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of working beyond retirement age.

some elder
people
in some modern country
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
still working in their retirement
age
for example
Japan. Now, elder
people
in Japan still
working
Wrong verb form
work
show examples
even though they working in their own
restaurant
Fix the agreement mistake
restaurants
show examples
. Working
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
elder
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
trusted can keep our
longterm
Correct your spelling
long-term
show examples
memories and increase mental illness
such
as
dimentia
Correct your spelling
dementia
.
furthermore
, working
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
time makes them happier because they can meet other
people
in society.
imagibe
Correct your spelling
imagine
that they just stay at their home or
nurhing
Correct your spelling
nursing
home without any social
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
except with
thei
Correct your spelling
their
the
family and
friend
Fix the agreement mistake
friends
show examples
, they must be stressed and trapped. the point is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
people
wherever old or young need makes some social
live
Replace the word
life
show examples
and activity or bustle
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
so that they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
healthy
life
both
mental
Change the word
mentally
show examples
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
physycal
Correct your spelling
physically
. elder
people
are not
prisioner
Correct your spelling
prisoners
which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
their activity not to be limited.
Japanes
Correct your spelling
Japanese
people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
much longer
life
one
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
many
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
is they still working in their retirement
age
even though they just doing
easy
Add an article
the easy
an easy
show examples
job and they are has good quality of
life
. but in some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, younger
people
like their family assume elder
people
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
just need to stay at their home, enjoying their
life
just with their family, no need
working
Change the verb form
to work
show examples
anymore because they are
worry
Wrong verb form
worried
show examples
or they want
elder
Correct article usage
the elder
show examples
people
happy without doing any activity. and if they are working
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
socity
Correct your spelling
society
,
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
people
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
that the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
must be abandoned by their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
and
somethink
Correct your spelling
something
likely. but, if they are still working, we are
us
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the younger
worried
Correct pronoun usage
ones worried
show examples
about their health,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
capability
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
.
that is
why there are some
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
and
disadvantage
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantages
show examples
working
Change preposition
to working
show examples
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
retirement
age
Correct your spelling
especially
especialy
Correct your spelling
especially
Change preposition
at on
show examples
on elder
Correct your spelling
an older
show examples
age
Submitted by narawriteshare9 on

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structure
Your essay address the topic by discussing some benefits and drawbacks of working beyond retirement. However, the response lacks clear structure. It's important to organize your essay into clear paragraphs, with an introduction, body, and conclusion.
content
The use of specific examples and a more in-depth analysis of the points would improve the task achievement score. Consider providing concrete cases, statistics, or reliable sources to support your point.
cohesion
To improve clarity and coherence, use linking words and phrases appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs, such as 'firstly,' 'on the other hand,' and 'in conclusion.'
style
Ensure that your essay maintains a formal and academic tone. Avoid using colloquial language and contractions.
grammar
Check your grammar, syntax, and word choice. Errors can obscure your meaning and reduce the overall effectiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • standard of living
  • ameliorated
  • mentoring
  • physical health
  • mental decline
  • workforce diversity
  • exacerbate
  • quality of life
  • employment opportunities
  • work-life imbalance
  • ageism
  • retirement planning
  • pension funds
  • job market dynamics
  • seniority
  • compulsory retirement age
  • productive capacity
  • intergenerational collaboration
  • mentality
  • employer attitudes
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