Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages.

#school #leavers #travel #work #period #time #university

The issue of what students do after graduating school is being topic. Some

Change preposition

apply

show examples

school leavers choose to explore and part of them

decided

Wrong verb form

decide

show examples

to get a job

rathe

Correct your spelling

rather

show examples

than

straight

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

continue to university.

This

is have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

two-side

Add an article

a two-side

show examples

view based on advantages and

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

disadvantages. I will focus on the good side first

then

moving

Wrong verb form

move

show examples

to look at the opposite.

To begin

late

Add an article

a late

the late

show examples

adolescent who

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

just finished

their

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

school

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

travels

Fix the agreement mistake

travel

show examples

works

Fix the agreement mistake

work

show examples

because they want to have real-world experiences. Taking time off to work can gain valuable life experiences

such

as knowing the culture in

office

Add an article

the office

show examples

and

learn

Wrong verb form

learning

show examples

from

senior

Fix the agreement mistake

seniors

show examples

that

suitable

Add a missing verb

are suitable

show examples

implemented

Add a missing verb

be implemented

show examples

in daily life.

Furthermore

, explore

world

Correct article usage

the world

show examples

also

beneficial for them to make good connections with others from different

background

Fix the agreement mistake

backgrounds

show examples

. Developing independence is the

reasons

Fix the agreement mistake

reason

show examples

young

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

prefer to work and travel. People will develop

skill

Fix the agreement mistake

skills

show examples

from

this

decision because their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

become

theirself

Correct your spelling

their

responsibility. Here learning personal management and

can

Verb problem

apply

show examples

not

dependen

Correct your spelling

depending

Change preposition

show examples

others. It helps

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

to face

real

Add an article

the real

show examples

world.

On the other hand

, young people

Correct pronoun usage

who is

show examples

not directly going to university have disadvantages. They

lost

Wrong verb form

lose

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

academic momentum and will impact

decreasing

Wrong verb form

decreased

show examples

Correct pronoun usage

their chance

show examples

chance

Fix the agreement mistake

chances

show examples

to be

Change preposition

of being

show examples

accepted

Change preposition

into

show examples

college because it prioritized new students who direct to go

university

Change preposition

to university

show examples

Moreover

, social disconnect for individuals who take

break

Fix the agreement mistake

breaks

show examples

may feel

out connect

Replace the word

disconnected

show examples

with

Change preposition

from

show examples

peers because

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

differences of

behavior

Change preposition

in behavior

show examples

and age.

Also

, potential to be

ignore

Wrong verb form

ignored

show examples

Correct word choice

and involve

show examples

involve

Wrong verb form

involved

show examples

this

situation because

Change preposition

apply

show examples

peers feel you are not part of them.

For instance

, others

not

Change the verb form

do not

did not

show examples

ask you to do group work in some subjects.

Submitted by adhansdaily on Wed Jan 31 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on structuring your essay more clearly. Begin with an introductory paragraph that introduces the topic and outlines the main points you will discuss. In the body, separate paragraphs for advantages and disadvantages, each with a clear topic sentence. Conclude with a summarizing conclusion that reflects back on the topic.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more effectively within and between paragraphs. Expressions such as 'Firstly', 'Moreover', 'In contrast' help guide the reader through your argument.

Task Achievement

Provide more specific examples and details to support your main points. Make sure your examples are relevant and directly illustrate the advantages or disadvantages you are discussing.

Task Achievement

Ensure you fully address the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages in a balanced way. Use the conclusion to clearly state your own viewpoint or a summary of the arguments presented, rather than introducing new information.

Coherence and Cohesion

Be careful with grammar, vocabulary, and sentence construction to enhance the clarity and accuracy of your writing. Enrich your vocabulary to avoid repetition of simple words, and proofread your essay to correct any grammatical errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
51Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

260 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

Topic Vocabulary:

school leavers
real-world experience
independence
structured environment
financial benefits
academic momentum
gap year
rigors
sidetracked
social disconnect

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

5
band
The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
While it is widely claimed that the use of electronic devices like smartphones is considered as antisocial as smoking, others argue that similar prohibition policy of smoking in certain area should be applied to mobile phone in similar way. The reasons why I believe mobile usages is antisocial acts and agree with about banning it like the aforementioned statement will be elaborated on in this essay.
8
band
Some products can be made quickly by a machine. Other items take a long time to be made by hand. As a buyer, which do you prefer and why? Give specific details and examples in your answer.
Undoubtedly, with the advent of technology, it become quite easy to manufacture things faster with the help of machines which was not possible a few years back when the furnished goods were produced manually consuming a lot of time. This essay will discuss the buyer's choice among the automatic and hand-created items.
4.5
band
Research has shown that spending much less time in office can reduce the use Of use of energy (for example electricity, gas). Thus some companies Cole for some days a week. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage?
In the contemporary era, it is quite common that spending a long time in the office can significantly decrease the potential of employees. So companies should turn off for some days a week. In my opinions I tend to believe that, it provide both advantages and disadvantages. However there are more benefits than disadvantages. In the upcoming paragraph i am going to explore them fully.
5
band
Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion
There is an ongoing debate as to whether children start their formal education at a very young age or after 7 years old. While proponents of the early age starter argue that children may achieve early success in career whereas the opposites claim that children should have well developed physically before starting education. Although both sides make very valid points, I would argue that starting education at a very early age is better for most children.
4
band
Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and are unable to afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?
1.Continue to contribute my experience on the integration of global economic cooperation and regional economic cooperation, and provide rich experience support at the policy, initiative, strategy levels to Department and Sectors Group, especially at formulating and articulating policies and strategies. In the past, I undertake economic and financial dialogue tasks assigned by Chinese State Council, which is under the framework of bilateral and multilateral dialogue mechanisms, as well as non-institutional bilateral economic and financial dialogue with relevant countries. Summarize and study the main negotiation issues and policies related to international economic relations under the bilateral and multilateral dialogue mechanisms of the Ministry of Finance. Provide relevant negotiation texts, suggestions, schedules, and policy recommendations to the head of the Chinese Ministry of Finance based on economic and policy analysis. I actively participated in 26 bilateral and multilateral...

Some school leavers travel or work for a period of time instead going directly to university. What are the advantages and disadvantages.

Fully explain your ideas

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Some products can be made quickly by a machine. Other items take a long time to be made by hand. As a buyer, which do you prefer and why? Give specific details and examples in your answer.

Research has shown that spending much less time in office can reduce the use Of use of energy (for example electricity, gas). Thus some companies Cole for some days a week. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantage?

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age. Others think they should begin after 7 years of age. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people get into debt by buying things they do not need and are unable to afford. What are the reasons for this behaviour? What action can be taken to prevent people from having this problem?