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In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with academic subjects. What is your opinion? What are the effects on the children in their lives?

#countries #sports #exercise #classes #subjects #effects #children #lives
Substituting sports and exercise
classes
 into academic
subjects
 is being done in many nations. In my opinion, there should be extracurricular
activities
besides
 studying as
this
 change will negatively influence the lives of
children
 by increasing mental diseases and lacking social
skills
 among them. Sports and exercise
classes
 aid in improving the concentration of
children
.
This
 is because
while
 playing or enjoying,
children
 get some relaxation from the burden of studying difficult
subjects
 every day.
This
 will allow them to bring a quick change in their lives and eliminate boredom.
For example
, had the curricular
activities
 not been curtailed in some schools in North India, the enrolled students would have been able to score well in their finals
last
 year.
Therefore
,
such
 types of lectures are more significant
along with
 school
subjects
. Replacing sports and exercise
classes
 has bad effects on
children
's lives. The first and foremost negative effect is mental illnesses. Since
children
 are learning difficult
subjects
 continuously, they are exhausted from
this
 pressure which automatically leads to stress and depression because they are not getting enough leisure time to relax.
Consequently
, it affects their productivity and memory power.
In addition
 to
this
, another impact is on their social
skills
. If
children
 participate in physical
activities
, they will learn essential
skills
such
 as decision-making, time management, problem-solving and sportsmanship. These
skills
 are important for their personal growth and development which is imperative to bringing good scores. Contrarily, when schools do not offer these special
classes
, these
skills
 are not instilled in
children
. In conclusion, the school curriculum should include extracurricular
activities
, which increase the focus of
children
; in the absence of these
classes
,
children
 suffer from psychological problems
as well as
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of social
skills
.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion on the issue. However, you could enhance your examples to make them more specific and relevant. For instance, providing detailed data or real-life incidents could make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a logical structure. Each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions between paragraphs are smooth. To improve further, you might consider varying your sentence structures to add more sophistication to your writing.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear starting and ending point for your discussion.
task achievement
Your main points are well-supported with valid reasons, contributing to a strong argument throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical well-being
  • Healthy growth and development
  • Obesity
  • Diabetes
  • Mental health
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Social skills
  • Teamwork
  • Leadership
  • Communication
  • Academic performance
  • Concentration
  • Memory
  • Cognitive functions
  • Lifelong habits
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Holistic development
  • Talent development
  • Athletics
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