In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with academic subjects. What is your opinion? What are the effects on the children in their lives?

#countries #sports #exercise #classes #subjects #effects #children #lives

Substituting sports and exercise

classes

into academic

subjects

is being done in many nations. In my opinion, there should be extracurricular

activities

besides

studying as

this

change will negatively influence the lives of

children

by increasing mental diseases and lacking social

skills

among them. Sports and exercise

classes

aid in improving the concentration of

children

This

is because

while

playing or enjoying,

children

get some relaxation from the burden of studying difficult

subjects

every day.

This

will allow them to bring a quick change in their lives and eliminate boredom.

For example

, had the curricular

activities

not been curtailed in some schools in North India, the enrolled students would have been able to score well in their finals

last

year.

Therefore

such

types of lectures are more significant

along with

school

subjects

. Replacing sports and exercise

classes

has bad effects on

children

's lives. The first and foremost negative effect is mental illnesses. Since

children

are learning difficult

subjects

continuously, they are exhausted from

this

pressure which automatically leads to stress and depression because they are not getting enough leisure time to relax.

Consequently

, it affects their productivity and memory power.

In addition

this

, another impact is on their social

skills

. If

children

participate in physical

activities

, they will learn essential

skills

such

as decision-making, time management, problem-solving and sportsmanship. These

skills

are important for their personal growth and development which is imperative to bringing good scores. Contrarily, when schools do not offer these special

classes

, these

skills

are not instilled in

children

. In conclusion, the school curriculum should include extracurricular

activities

, which increase the focus of

children

; in the absence of these

classes

children

suffer from psychological problems

as well as

lack

Correct article usage

a lack

show examples

of social

skills

Submitted by immysandhu94 on Fri May 17 2024

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task achievement

Your essay effectively addresses the topic and presents a clear opinion on the issue. However, you could enhance your examples to make them more specific and relevant. For instance, providing detailed data or real-life incidents could make your arguments more convincing.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-organized with a logical structure. Each paragraph has a clear main idea and transitions between paragraphs are smooth. To improve further, you might consider varying your sentence structures to add more sophistication to your writing.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, providing a clear starting and ending point for your discussion.

task achievement

Your main points are well-supported with valid reasons, contributing to a strong argument throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

286 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Physical well-being
Healthy growth and development
Obesity
Diabetes
Mental health
Stress
Anxiety
Depression
Social skills
Teamwork
Leadership
Communication
Academic performance
Concentration
Memory
Cognitive functions
Lifelong habits
Balanced lifestyle
Holistic development
Talent development
Athletics

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In many countries, sports and exercise classes are replaced with academic subjects. What is your opinion? What are the effects on the children in their lives?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Historical artifacts should be brought back to their country of origin. To what extend do you agree/disagree?

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There is an increasing trend around the world of married couples deciding not to have children. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for couples who decide to do this.