IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Technology has detrimental effect on man social life. Agree or disagree?

#technology #effect #man #life
In the present epoch, experts, throughout both developed and developing countries, have
depated
Correct your spelling
debated
departed
 whether the advent of sophisticated modern technology has whether the opposite has become the case. Personally, I strongly advocate the former view because of its deleterious impact. All these points will be demonstrated later in
this
 essay.
To begin
 with, there is ample, powerful and almost daily evidence that cutting-edge technology has a detrimental effect on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future generations because they are more easily attached to its addictive nature.
In other words
, the
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
use of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attractive and appealing websites results in more individuals who feel isolated from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. A prime example of
this
 is the high percentage of teenagers who suffer from depression and loneliness despite being among their community members.
Hence
, what can be said is that utilizing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online platforms should be supervised strictly.
Furthermore
, the dependence on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
widely spreading social applications plays a negative role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the mental and physical well-being of
society
Change noun form
society's
show examples
 citizens.
This
 means that the
continous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 usage of these apps deprives humans
Change preposition
of
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 doing some outdoor activities.
Consequently
,
this
 leads to not only a significant regression in their muscle power
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also Impairs
Correct your spelling
alsoairs
 their cognitive functions and creativity.
For Instance
, based on a survey that was published by the World Health Organization, it has been obvious that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults prefer spending their time chatting on Facebook to doing sports.
Thus
, authorities bear the responsibility of guiding their population towards Lessening
reliability
Correct article usage
the reliability
show examples
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 virtual blogs. In conclusion,
after
this
 essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that these technological advances have dramatically reduced
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crucial face-to-face interactions. I am convinced that with the spread of globalization, people feel connected, but lack
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real communication skills.
Moreover
, nations should encourage the society's real bonds again.
Submitted by Halakilany3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea, which is elaborated in detail throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by using a range of cohesive devices properly and avoiding repetition.
coherence cohesion
Make sure the introduction and conclusion encapsulate the main argument effectively. The thesis statement could be made clearer, and the conclusion should restate the arguments more precisely.
task achievement
Thoroughly address the task by expanding on your arguments and providing clear, detailed responses to the prompt. Include more specific examples to support your ideas.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas with comprehensive explanations and ensure they directly relate to the prompt.
task achievement
Incorporate relevant, specific examples that convincingly support your main points, and reference reliable sources to enhance credibility.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: