IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, the
world
Use synonyms
 faces a lot more environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 than it did in the past and many are increasing rapidly. It is believed by some that the main environmental issue currently is related to the extinction of
animals
Use synonyms
 and plants.
While
Linking Words
 others think there are many other major
issues
Use synonyms
 to be considered. In the following
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will be discussing both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
. Currently, some
people
Use synonyms
 have started to research more about the extinction of
animals
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 and the loss of their habitats. Since other living species are
also
Linking Words
 a part of the
world
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people
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 care about their state as well. Taking the recent events in
Antarctic
Correct article usage
the Antarctic
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 as an example, since icebergs have started to melt and many polar bears, penguins
along
Linking Words
with
Change preposition
apply
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other
animals
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 have lost their habitats
people
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 seem to view
this
Linking Words
 as the most important issue in the
world
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 and are trying to avoid it.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 new organizations have been made by
people
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 who
also
Linking Words
 worry about sea
animals
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 who might be extinct because of the amount of plastic consumed.
Thus
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,
this
Linking Words
 opinion does not apply
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everyone, and others think there are more severe environmental problems to be considered. Many worry about pollution spread out to the air by fuel or gas which has an effect on human health and might cause climate change. Some are not as thoughtful about
animals
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 and
instead
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 put other
issues
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 as a priority. There are
people
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 who focus on recycling
due to
Linking Words
 many garbage seen in the streets, making sure the
world
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 stays as beautiful as it is. Generally, these
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 of
people
Use synonyms
 tend to focus on the effects environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 could have on themselves.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a brief outline of two different perspectives on environmental issues, which is a good start for addressing the task. However, your argument could be strengthened by further elaboration and discussion. Make sure you develop your points more fully by providing more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
It would be beneficial to present clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to establish the main idea clearly. Additionally, you should work on expanding and supporting your points with specific details or examples to provide a richer and more persuasive argument.
task achievement
Your essay should include a conclusion that effectively summarizes the main points and clearly states your own opinion. This helps to give your essay a strong and persuasive finish. It's important to address all parts of the task, including providing a clear personal stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
To improve the logical flow of your essay, use a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, linking phrases, and synonyms to connect ideas and paragraphs. This will make your argument more coherent and easier to follow.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
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