IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people say that protecting the environment is the government's responsibility. others believe that every individual should be responsible for it. discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #environment #government #responsibility
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People argue about the responsibility of taking care of the environment. Most believe that the government has to take part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it,
whereas
 others have the opinion that it should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be protected by everybody.
This
 essay deeply agrees with the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
 position and the reasons will be
discribed
Correct your spelling
described
 in the following lines. Governments across the world play a huge role
concerning
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the control of individuals' activities, and because of
it
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
, most people think that the chore of maintaining and protecting nature is inherent
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the state's role. In their vision, creating environmental laws, punishing harmful activities and
appling
Correct your spelling
applying
 public funds to protect rivers and forests are measures enough to stop nature devastation.
On the other hand
, there are people who share the same opinion as me, that every individual has to take part
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 environmental protection and engage
responsible
Change preposition
in responsible
show examples
 actions in her or his daily routine to encourage others to do the same.
Besides
 that, and not less important, the government is
also
 part of
this
force-task
Correct your spelling
force task
show examples
.
In other words
, it is important that politics create laws and awareness concerning environment-related topics and
destinate
Verb problem
distribute
show examples
 them to the different parts of society,
such
 as citizens, companies, and institutions.
Thus
, every component of society
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
show examples
 to
keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
 the natural elements of Earth
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
safe.
To conclude
, the discussion concerning
whose
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
Replace the word
responsible
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 taking care of the oceans, air and
biomas
Correct your spelling
biomass
 is indifferent. The correct
atittude
Correct your spelling
attitude
 is taking environmental problems as something that everybody has to deal with and solve together.
Submitted by carinabmurakami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs, and ensure logical flow throughout the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific examples and explain how they relate to the topic. Avoid generic statements.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Ensure that you discuss both views presented and clearly state your own opinion.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully and extend your arguments. Include explanations or reasons for your opinions and explore the implications of your points.
task achievement
Include specific examples or evidence to back up your points. These can be from your own experience, observations, or other credible sources.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: