IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Television Sporting shows such as the Olympics motivate the youth who do not like to exercise much. Do you agree or disagree? Include relevant examples in your answer and provide your own opinion.

#television #olympics #youth #exercise
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There
Correct pronoun usage
It
show examples
 is no secret that having mobility can boost both
physical
Correct article usage
the physical
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 and mental aspects of humans. In today's climate, it is a widely held view that sporting programs in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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mass media
such
 as television can encourage youngsters to take up
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
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physical activity, a theory
which
Change preposition
to which
show examples
 I fully subscribe. The main justification why showing
sports
 programs on TV can be fruitful is the fact that the presence of athletes like football players in matches and
also
 seeing the atmosphere of the stadium which an overwhelming amount of people are there and
applause
Replace the word
applaud
show examples
 for them, can affect on subconscious part of the brain.
Therefore
, any individual puts themselves
instead
 of players. The dream of achieving to pride and glory are two main factors which can provoke anyone to start physical activity. Another explanation could be the fact that athletes can be positive role models for the youth.
In other words
,
sports
 shows can be assumed like advertisements for
sports
. They can have a significant influence on children by showing how sport changed their lives. Not only can they encourage children to start a sport, but
also
 they can help them to lead their life better. what can be concluded from the above is the fact that
sports
 shows
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Television can provoke children to have mobility.
Submitted by ashkanmlk80 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, make sure to use clear paragraphing and sentence connectors to guide the reader smoothly from one point to the next.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to your essay, stating your own opinion in the introduction and summarizing it again in the conclusion for better clarity and impact.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific examples or further explanations to strengthen the argument and make it more convincing to the reader.
task achievement
Ensure that you fully address the prompt with a complete response by thoroughly discussing the topic and answering all aspects of the question posed.
task achievement
Clarify and elaborate on your ideas to make them more comprehensive and detailed, which helps to convey a deeper understanding of the subject matter.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to back up your statements. This not only supports your ideas but also shows a practical understanding of how the concepts apply in real life.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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