IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Al parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that schools should teach children skills but other think having a range of subject is better for a children's future. Discuss both of the views and give your opinion

#parents #opportunities #children #people #schools #skills #range #future
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There is a discussion concerning the management of standard
subjects
 and daily routine activities in school. Some believe that
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 Science, Math and
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 traditional
subjects
 is worthwhile
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the children's
future
, others think that teaching essential
life
 skills is much better
apropriate
Correct your spelling
appropriate
to
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for
show examples
 their development as
future
 adults. My point of view is that a combined approach is the best choice to be applied at these places.
The most
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Most
show examples
 educational institutions work with
stardardized
Correct your spelling
standardised
 education, providing a range of
subjects
 which leads kids to choose a
profissional
Correct your spelling
professional
life
 in the
future
 based
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their ease in each major.
For instance
, if some pupil is really good
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 writing, he or she can easily become a journalist. Because of
this
 notion of guided decision, people tend to think that
this
 is the best way to schedule their children's education.
Conversely
, there are parents believing that schools which
privide
Correct your spelling
provide
 practical skills
,
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apply
show examples
 have
best
Add an article
the best
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 success in navigating
lerners
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learners
 to
the
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apply
show examples
real
life
, as far as teaching students,
for example
, financial literacy or basic cooking
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 make them ready
to
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for
show examples
 adult
life
. As it said, I have the opinion that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
balancing
between
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apply
show examples
academic knowledge and practical
life
 skills can make children succeed in different aspects. The prior enhances
the
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apply
show examples
critical thinking and enlarges knowledge in
an
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a
show examples
especific
Correct your spelling
specific
 field, the latter makes the
future
 adult prepared
to
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for
show examples
 routine.
To conclude
, I advocate for a
mix
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mixed
show examples
 approach of
subjects
 in schools, affording literacy through academic and daily content and
than
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then
show examples
 making kids ready in different perspectives for their adulthood.
Submitted by carinabmurakami on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score in Task Achievement, try to give more detailed examples to support your points. Instead of vaguely referring to subjects or skills, mention explicit subjects taught in schools and specific life skills and explain how they are useful in real-life situations.
Coherence and Cohesion
In terms of Coherence and Cohesion, make sure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sentences within the paragraph are connected to this central idea. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid repetition of ideas and use a wider range of vocabulary to express your thoughts. This will help your essay to read more naturally and engagingly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check your essay for grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Errors can affect the readability of your essay and reduce the clarity of your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Equipping
  • Financial literacy
  • Well-rounded individual
  • Critical thinking
  • Passion
  • Adult responsibilities
  • Life skills
  • Academic knowledge
  • 21st-century skills
  • Adaptability
  • Diverse curriculum
  • Job market
  • Employment
  • Cultural literacy
  • Empathy
  • Citizenship
What to do next:
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