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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives the percentage of social media users by age in Jamestown in 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.

The chart below gives the percentage of social media users by age in Jamestown in 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features.
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
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pie chart
elaborate
Correct subject-verb agreement
elaborates
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 the information about the use of social websites by five different
age
Use synonyms
 groups in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Jamestown
Use synonyms
 in the given time
2018
Change preposition
in 2018
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.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly that interest
of
Change preposition
in
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 using popular internet sites among adults and teenagers
age
Use synonyms
 group 13-25 and 26-35 youth is higher.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 over 55 years elderly
individauls
Correct your spelling
individuals
 showed very less usage of internet.
In
Change preposition
At
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 the
age
Use synonyms
 of 13-25 years old, they are very keen to use social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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 which is 40%. But as growing up to
age
Use synonyms
 26-35
the
Change the word
my
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 eagerness
of using
Change preposition
to use
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 social media decreased
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 5% and remained
35
Change preposition
at 35
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% in
Jamestown
Use synonyms
 over the time period of 2018.
However
Linking Words
, people of
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 group 36-45 years older in
Jamestown
Use synonyms
 are only 15% who like to socialise with friends or relatives through online websites. When
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
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 reaches
at
Change preposition
apply
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46-55 the popularity of enjoying social sites
fell
Wrong verb form
falls
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 down
at
Change preposition
to
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 8%/. Only 2% kept using internet websites in the
age
Use synonyms
 over 55
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. So
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the number of socialising online of
population
Add an article
the population
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 living in
Jamestown
Use synonyms
 was highest in 13-25 and lowest was in
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
show examples
 group over 55.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words age, jamestown with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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