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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The supplied bar chart represents data about females in different age that gave a birth to the first child in Australia in the year 1966, 1986 and 2006.

The supplied bar chart represents data about females in different age that gave a birth to the first child in Australia in the year 1966, 1986 and 2006.
#bar #data #females #age #birth #first #child #australia #year
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The given graph illustrates information
due to
Linking Words
 women's
first
Use synonyms
 pregnancy to the
first
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 in
a different
Correct the article-noun agreement
different ages
a different age
show examples
ages
Use synonyms
 in Australia in the 3 various
time
Use synonyms
 periods 1966, 1986 and 2006. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is readily apparent that the birth rate in younger
ages
Use synonyms
 witnessed a considerable decline throughout the given
time
Use synonyms
in contrast
Linking Words
 giving birth in older
ages
Use synonyms
 experienced significantly.
However
Linking Words
, in one particular given age period,
this
Linking Words
 percentage has shown evacuation in a given
time
Use synonyms
 duration. From the given chart, it can be seen that pregnancy for the
first
Use synonyms
 child under the age of 19 in 1966 was about 30% in Australia
while
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 number in 1986 fell to almost 20%,
However
Linking Words
 by the year 2006 it reached just over 10%.
In addition
Linking Words
, having a child for the
first
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
 in Australia between the
ages
Use synonyms
 19 to 24 nearly 60% but
this
Linking Words
 percentage dropped to about 35% and
this
Linking Words
 falling keep continuing with the recorded birth rate was under 30% by 2006.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
first
Use synonyms
 kid in
Submitted by mahsa.ghorbandoust71 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words first, time, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart
  • data representation
  • females
  • age groups
  • gave birth
  • first child
  • trends
  • significance
  • shift
  • later age groups
  • socio-economic factors
  • analysis
  • peak age groups
  • future predictions
  • past trends
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