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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.

The given pie charts illustrate the average spending on housing, transport, food, health care and other goods and services in Japan and Malaysia in 2010.
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The pie diagram shows the proportion of average spending on several fields,
such
Linking Words
 as housing, transport, food,
health
Use synonyms
care
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, and other
goods
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 and
services
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, in
Japan
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 and
Malaysia
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 in 2010. In brief,
Malaysia
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 has a bigger percentage of two of the five categories than
Japan
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while
Linking Words
 the other three have higher percentages in
Japan
Use synonyms
 than
Malaysia
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.
Firstly
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, the two of five categories,
such
Linking Words
 as housing and food, are spent more in
Malaysia
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 rather than in
Japan
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. Malaysian civilians spent more than 13% in the housing
category
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 and 3% in the food
category
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 than
Japan
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's civilians.
However
Linking Words
, the other three fields,
such
Linking Words
 as
health
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care
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, transport, and other
goods
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 and
services
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, are more expensive in
Japan
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 rather than in
Malaysia
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.
Japan
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's people spend more than 10% in the transport
category
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 and 3% more on
health
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care
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 and other
goods
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 and
services
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
Japan
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's people spent mostly on other
goods
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 and
services
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, as many as 29% of
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the proportion.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the least
category
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 that
Japan
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 spent on is
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
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 field. Meanwhile, Malaysians spent more on the housing
category
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 and the least
category
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 that needed more money was
health
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care
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.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words health, care, goods, services, japan, malaysia, category with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • average spending
  • housing expenditures
  • transport costs
  • consumption habits
  • health care budget
  • goods and services
  • economic factors
  • cultural influences
  • urban vs rural spending
  • disposable income
  • financial priorities
  • significant discrepancies
  • budget allocation
  • grocery bills
  • comparative analysis
  • fiscal management
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