IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
The dispute between common sports
facilities
 that should be provided
as well as
 attainable to everyone, and training top
athletes
, particularly through specialized training will be discussed in
this
 essay.
Firstly
, the training of highly skilled
people
 in specialized programs has been proven to help the economy grow by enhancing its productivity.
For instance
, the British government’s strategic training of their cyclists back in the '90s resulted in them winning medals. Concurrently, they began to accomplish a historical victory. Obviously, winning these medals significantly boosts the GDP of Britain by around 14
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Which motivates them to invest more in
athletes
 to make them perform well and ensure winning.
On the other hand
, some
people
 argue for providing top-notch
facilities
 available to everyone. Despite spending too much on elite
athletes
, there is an expectation to build fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, and gyms and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
refurbishment of grounds.
While
this
 helps to build greater fitness and qualities to avoid engaging in negative activities,
Furthermore
, it helps many
people
 achieve their ambitions and desires. A privileged person with a passion for sports,
for instance
, can use these
facilities
 to achieve his or her dreams. On the whole,
people
 believe that
this
 action leads to triumph and these incentivize them to stay in good health. From my perspective, it is crucial to train
athletes
as well as
 provide specialized
facilities
 for everyone. There is no doubt that winning is important, but the government must
also
 have a holistic approach to strengthening and developing both of these needs.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a well-defined structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use cohesive devices appropriately to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main arguments clearly. Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the points discussed without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more depth and clarity. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea with explanations and examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Aim to provide more intricate details and a variety of examples.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Aim for real-world examples that are directly relevant to the topic to strengthen your argument and show a deeper understanding of the issues discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: