IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialized facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
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The dispute between common sports
facilities
Use synonyms
 that should be provided
as well as
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 attainable to everyone, and training top
athletes
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, particularly through specialized training will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
Firstly
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, the training of highly skilled
people
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 in specialized programs has been proven to help the economy grow by enhancing its productivity.
For instance
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, the British government’s strategic training of their cyclists back in the '90s resulted in them winning medals. Concurrently, they began to accomplish a historical victory. Obviously, winning these medals significantly boosts the GDP of Britain by around 14
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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. Which motivates them to invest more in
athletes
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 to make them perform well and ensure winning.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 argue for providing top-notch
facilities
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 available to everyone. Despite spending too much on elite
athletes
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, there is an expectation to build fitness
centers
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centres
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, and gyms and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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refurbishment of grounds.
While
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this
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 helps to build greater fitness and qualities to avoid engaging in negative activities,
Furthermore
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, it helps many
people
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 achieve their ambitions and desires. A privileged person with a passion for sports,
for instance
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, can use these
facilities
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 to achieve his or her dreams. On the whole,
people
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 believe that
this
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 action leads to triumph and these incentivize them to stay in good health. From my perspective, it is crucial to train
athletes
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as well as
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 provide specialized
facilities
Use synonyms
 for everyone. There is no doubt that winning is important, but the government must
also
Linking Words
 have a holistic approach to strengthening and developing both of these needs.
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a well-defined structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Use cohesive devices appropriately to guide the reader through your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main arguments clearly. Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the points discussed without introducing new information.
Task Achievement
Develop your main points with more depth and clarity. Each paragraph should have a clear central idea with explanations and examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Aim to provide more intricate details and a variety of examples.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Aim for real-world examples that are directly relevant to the topic to strengthen your argument and show a deeper understanding of the issues discussed.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
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