IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Governments give a lot of support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#governments #support #artists #people #waste #money
Art
exhibition
Fix the agreement mistake
exhibitions
show examples
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 become one of the most popular destinations to spend holidays because the Government has been paying more attention to
this
 sector. Many say that the same amount of
money
 should be used for other concern projects
instead
 of spending
money
 on artists.
This
 essay will attempt to shed light on both views before concluding my own opinion. One thing to consider is that maintaining an entertaining place like an
art
 exhibition is essential for supporting painters because the public who wants to know the actual shape of
art
 or extraordinary creations will come to these places.
This
 is because
people
 are more likely attracted to a piece of
art
 that contains deep meaning
wich
Correct your spelling
which
show examples
 is not available in other things.
For instance
, the valuable painting Monalisa held a big meaning of appearances both happy and sad which is more valuable than anything to a passionate artist.
Therefore
, encouraging an artist is a vital step
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 paying them the highest amount of
money
.
On the other hand
, there are some highly pressing issues in almost every society
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 need more attention than artistic content,
such
 as education, accommodation and healthcare for underprivileged children.
However
, some
people
 are more concerned about making some adverse solutions for overpopulation and uncertain immigrants rather than spending
money
 only on entertainment purposes.
For instance
, imposing some strict rules on out-comers will be better than artistic investments. The Government should enrol a few budgets for public transport and skyscrapers to make
people
's lives easier.
To sum up
, though the future will be hampered without making
people
 know about artistic value I prefer the living standards first .
Submitted by farjanaakterrikta8 on

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coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, make sure your essay has a clear central theme that is consistently developed throughout the paragraphs. Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
For task achievement, develop your main arguments with specific examples to better illustrate your point. Ensure your opinion is clear and consistent. Additionally, expand on the implications or consequences of the points discussed to demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • promote
  • culture
  • creativity
  • economic growth
  • tourism
  • social development
  • personal development
  • merit
  • financial support
  • balanced
  • transparent
What to do next:
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