IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #school #children #range #subjects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Having extra
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of something makes things easier to perform.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is believed by some that
number
Correct article usage
a number
show examples
 of
courses
Use synonyms
 should be taught to
youngones
Correct your spelling
young
 at school to enhance educational
knowledge
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, children should focus on detailed education by studying
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
. Both sides will be discussed in
this
Linking Words
 essay
along with
Linking Words
 my opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, learning
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of
courses
Use synonyms
 allows
students
Use synonyms
 to discover their interests and talents as
students
Use synonyms
 are provided with multiple career choices to choose the best one. Having
series
Correct article usage
a series
show examples
 of
subjects
Use synonyms
 will help
youngone
Verb problem
the young
show examples
 to explore each and every aspect of different fields, resulting in wide resources of
knowledge
Use synonyms
. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, in India, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
courses
Use synonyms
, which
includes
Correct subject-verb agreement
include
show examples
, math,
english
Change the capitalization
English
show examples
, science,
scoial
Correct your spelling
social
 study and many more, being taught before entering
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
high school.
Hence
Linking Words
, children should be focused on getting more
edcation
Correct your spelling
education
 to secure their future.
However
Linking Words
, focusing on a small number of
subjests
Correct your spelling
subjects
 can lead to higher academic achievements in those
subjects
Use synonyms
. If there are
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
subjests
Correct your spelling
subjects
subject
 to study, it will help
students
Use synonyms
 to focus on a single subject as compared to having
Correct article usage
the pressure
show examples
pressure
Correct article usage
the pressure
show examples
 of studying
mutliple
Correct your spelling
multiple
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
show examples
 at
Correct article usage
the
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same time.
Concequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, time will be spent on better preparation for specialized careers by acquiring
depth
Add an article
a depth
show examples
 of
knowledge
Use synonyms
 of
particular
Correct article usage
a particular
show examples
 subject.
For instance
Linking Words
, a recent
survay
Correct your spelling
survey
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
done by Mohawk College, shows that
students
Use synonyms
perfoms
Correct your spelling
performs
perform
 academically better in the area of interest rather than studying other
courses
Use synonyms
 they are not
interesed
Correct your spelling
interested
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
Thus
Linking Words
, studying
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
subjects
Use synonyms
 helps
students
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
mastery
Replace the word
master
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
specific areas. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 both sides have
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own importance, I personally believe that it is beneficial to learn a wide range of
subjects
Use synonyms
 as it helps to build a
stong
Correct your spelling
strong
show examples
 foundation of
subjects
Use synonyms
 before specializing
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
single area. It provides extra, but useful
knowledge
Use synonyms
 and encourages adaptability and flexibility .
Submitted by yudhveer4890 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

logical structure
Ensure your essay has a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. Use topic sentences to lead off each paragraph and summarize the paragraph's main point.
introduction conclusion present
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear, and encapsulate the main thrust of your argument. Avoid simply restating the question in your introduction. Restate your points succinctly in your conclusion, without introducing new information.
supported main points
Develop your main points with specific examples and explanations. Try to use real-world examples that are relevant to the argument you are making. Avoid general statements without supporting details.
complete response
Ensure you fully respond to all parts of the task. Your essay should discuss both views and provide your own opinion effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive for clarity and depth in your main points. Avoid vague statements and ensure that you delve into the reasoning behind your arguments.
relevant specific examples
Support your ideas with specific examples. These examples should be relevant and compelling, helping to illustrate and strengthen your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • holistic education
  • cross-disciplinary
  • premature specialization
  • well-rounded personality
  • depth of knowledge
  • mastery
  • cognitive overload
  • expertise
  • academic achievements
  • tailored education
  • informed choices
  • specializations
  • adaptability
  • flexibility
  • foundational knowledge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: