IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of retain the table shows where the money came from and the chart show how it was distributed summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons very relevant

The table and charts below give information on the police budget for 2017 and 2018 in one area of retain the table shows where the money came from and the chart show how it was distributed summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons very relevant
#information #police #budget #area #money #show #features #comparisons
The table and bar charts provide information about the
sources
 and spending of
budget
Correct article usage
the budget
show examples
 of Britain police between 2017 and 2018. The table illustrates the three different
sources
 of income,
while
 the pie charts show the expenditure of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 plan.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 a large amount of money was spent on officers and staff salaries, rather than building, transport and technology.
Moreover
, the national government is the only body,
Correct pronoun usage
that giving
show examples
giving
Wrong verb form
gives
show examples
 a huge amount of
budget
 yearly,
while
 local taxes and other
sources
accounts
Change the verb form
account
show examples
 for
minor
Correct article usage
a minor
show examples
 portion. In 2017, the national government paid
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large amount of
police
Correct article usage
the police
show examples
budget
,
account
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 175.5
Million
 Pounds, which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased slightly in the next year to 177.8
million
.
However
, 91.2
million
 received from the local taxes in 2017, and 102.3
million
 in 2018. Other
sources
 (eg grants)
accounts
Correct subject-verb agreement
account
show examples
 for the smallest portion of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
budget
, they gave 38.
Million
 in 2017 and 38.5 in 2018 which is quite stable.
However
, the total financial
budget
 of
Britain
Replace the word
the British
show examples
 police
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased from 304.7
million
 to 318.6
million
 in the preceding year.
On the other hand
, a large portion of
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
budget
 was spent on officers and staff salaries in both years. The proportion of salaries
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
account
Wrong verb form
accounted
show examples
 for 75% and 69% of
budget
Add an article
the budget
show examples
 in 2017 and 2018 respectively.
Furthermore
, in both years, 17% of
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
 was spent on building and transport,
while
 the expenditure on technology increased from 8% to 14% in 2018 respectively.
Submitted by sadiahussain028 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words sources, budget, million with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fiscal
  • allocation
  • revenue
  • government grants
  • taxpayer contributions
  • expenditure
  • financial year
  • budgetary changes
  • capital investment
  • operational costs
  • shift in priorities
  • percentile changes
  • incremental increase/decrease
  • funded
  • allocated
  • resources
  • budgeting decisions
What to do next:
Look at other essays: