Scientists agree that people are damaging their health by eating too much junk food. Some people think that the answer to this problem is to educate people. Others think education will not work. Discussion both views and give your opinion.

There is no doubt that these days individuals have detrimental eating habits through
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
of a huge amount of junk
food
.
However
,
while
some
people
believe that the
soloution
Correct your spelling
solution
is educating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, I would agree with those
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
show examples
that
this
approach is not going to be practical.
Firstly
, teaching
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
not to eat junk
food
plays a vital role as it is a crucial way to make them aware of
harmful
Correct article usage
the harmful
show examples
effects of
such
food
on their level of health.
This
is because a country full of
people
having medical conditions is a country with high expenses
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
medical treatments.
For instance
, the number of
people
who are
diagnoised
Correct your spelling
diagnosed
with heart
diseases
Fix the agreement mistake
disease
show examples
, diabetes, high cholesterol and other health problems
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
growing
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
need prolonged and expensive treatments. The argument goes that prevention is amazingly better than treatment in terms of costs and humanity.
However
, I believe that education
probabely
Correct your spelling
probably
will not help to reach the goal of having a healthy society. The reason for
this
is that
although
this
topic has been already
toughtwidely
Correct your spelling
taught widely
via media and even at schools and many
people
are completely
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
Correct article usage
the nagative
show examples
nagative
Correct your spelling
negative
impacts of fatty and salt-rich
food
on their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
, they would not take an
aternative
Correct your spelling
alternative
approach.
For example
, some families are in need or have to work two jobs,
consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
probabely
Correct your spelling
probably
cannot cover fresh and healthy
food
costs or have a narrow window of time so they tend to have fast
food
rather than home-cooked meals or fresh produce. In conclusion,
although
it is of critical importance to discourage
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
by cultivating from having
such
meals in order to adapt to a healthy lifestyle, I feel that it should be
individual's
Correct article usage
the individual's
show examples
choice and lay with them because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of them are
expexted
Correct your spelling
expected
to be widely aware of what they eat throughout the day and it is the matter of personal preference and life situation.
Submitted by shamim1999 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, ensure that you fully respond to all parts of the task. Provide a balanced discussion of both views and a clear opinion. Expand on your opinion with more detailed explanations.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, pay attention to paragraph structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea and subsequent sentences should all relate to this idea. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutritional awareness
  • health education
  • informed choices
  • dietary habits
  • public health campaigns
  • preventative measures
  • regulatory measures
  • restrictive policies
  • food industry practices
  • accessibility
  • affordability
  • food deserts
  • health outcomes
  • behavioral change
  • societal attitudes
  • health risks
  • chronic diseases
  • lifestyle choices
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