in many countries, number of older people are increase. some people says that this will cause more problems to that countries. others say that older people can play a role in society. discuss both views and give your opinion.
Many
people
argue that elderly people
cause issues in society, while
other people
there are no impacts on the country
by their elderly people
. In my opinion, I firmly believe there is no impact on society by elderly people
and that is
because of multiple reasons. This
essay will mention the benefits and drawbacks of elderly people
in society.
It is often assumed that adopting elderly people
has no impact on the country
but also
provides some advantages. elderly people
have the ability to do daily work
as volunteers or for less money. This
is because of the long free time they have and doing work
for elderly people
can improve their health as well. For example
, a clerk employee only involves checking or signing papers, this
type of job
does not require any high physical demands. Although
there is some truth to these ideas, it is true that occupying elderly people
to these jobs reduces the number of job
vacancies for other employees who might be more professional at it. The reason behind this
is that as more elderly people
apply for a job
as higher risk for graduates, elderly people
usually would be higher candidates for a country
because of the lower salary they should pay for them. For instance
, a concierge job
only includes paperwork or monitoring the building.
Another commonly held view is that elderly people
have the potential to improve and help the irrigation
system
. This
is perhaps due to
the favouritism of doing manual work
on the farm for elderly people
. A good example of that is
planting seeds or checking for any negative symptoms in plants. This
could really increase the quality of the irrigation
system
in a country
. However
, this
makes the assumption that, because elderly people
work
in irrigation
systems that could increase the chances of missing something or mixing other plants, which might harm the irrigation
system
of a country
and decrease the income. To illustrate, elderly people
who have some vision difficulties could mix other plants or put the wrong liquid on a plant.
In summary, elderly people
could be a positive sign for a country
due to
the ability and free time they have for better changing their country
. In contrast
, elderly people
might put other people
, especially graduates under threat for looking for a job
. I would suggest a country
hire elderly people
to get their advantages but on basic jobs such
as admin work
or irrigation
system
, this
could be a compromise solution for both sides.Submitted by iimux771 on
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coherence cohesion
In both the coherence and cohesion aspect, you should try to establish clearer logical connections between ideas. Consider using a wider range of linking words and phrases to ensure a smooth flow in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction that introduces both views and a conclusion that summarizes them alongside your opinion. The introduction and conclusion presently lack clarity and directness.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more detailed explanations and examples. There are assertions made that would benefit from clear illustrative examples or more in-depth justification.
task achievement
Ensure that you provide a balanced discussion of both views before presenting your opinion, as the task requires. You should elaborate on each view to the same extent to fully satisfy the task achievement criteria.
task achievement
Ideas presented should be more comprehensive and clearer. This can be achieved by fully expanding on points with explanations and examples, ensuring each paragraph has one main idea, and by providing clearer topic sentences.
task achievement
Use more specific and relevant examples to support your statements. Try to include real-world scenarios or statistics to strengthen your arguments.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.
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