IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Crime rates wil fall as advances in technology, make it easier to detect and prevent crime to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rates #fall #advances #technology
It is stated that the number of offences hoped to be dropped because of the advancement in
technology
 as it makes
easier
Correct pronoun usage
it easier
show examples
 to find the crime and the criminal. With
this
 notion am partially agree as
technology
 can only help to find the violation but cannot combat
with
Change preposition
apply
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the issue
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 mean
time
Correct your spelling
meantime
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. To
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
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point
Correct determiner usage
this point
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 of
view
Add a comma
view,
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 I will discuss
this
 topic in
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 paragraphs. First and foremost,the invention of technological devices is really helpful on many
basis
Change to a plural noun
bases
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,
for example
, if a woman is in danger she can quickly call
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the police with the help of
emergency
Correct article usage
an emergency
show examples
 SOS system and can share the location details to track it.
Secondly
, Surveillance video cameras can make police
officer's
Change noun form
officers'
show examples
job more
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 easier by detecting
criminals
Change noun form
criminals'
criminal's
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 faces.
Moreover
,
innovation
Correct article usage
the innovation
show examples
 of
alarming
Correct article usage
an alarming
show examples
 system is
also
 one of the best helpful
idea
Change to a plural noun
ideas
show examples
 which
aware
Correct word choice
is to inform
show examples
 people if there is any thief trying to steal in
the
Remove the article
apply
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any shop.
On the other hand
 side,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
coin's
Correct article usage
the coin's
show examples
 head and tail,
this
 trend
also
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 two sides.
Firstly
,
beside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
 the helpful ideas
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
cannot be perfect all the time. Let's take an example to explain it,
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if something is mishappening
at
Change preposition
in
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 any area with someone and there are cameras for footage, the thing is surveillance can only record it, but cannot help the person who is facing the problem, so for
this
 human intervention is
also
 plays a role.
In addition
, crime happens only when
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 inhabitant is dealing with inner demons like, is in stress,
heart
Correct your spelling
heartbreak
show examples
broken
Verb problem
apply
show examples
or having other issues. In
this
 matter,
technology
 cannot help to deal with. In conclusion,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 us to deal with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
violence but, the numeracy rates are somewhere still
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
.
Submitted by  Mandeep on

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introduction conclusion present
Work on creating a clearer introduction that clearly states your position in response to the prompt.
introduction conclusion present
Include a more defined conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance on the topic.
logical structure
Ensure your arguments flow logically from one to another; using transition words and clear topic sentences will help.
supported main points
Support your main points with more detailed and specific examples or explanations to strengthen your argument.
complete response
Address the task more completely by covering all aspects of the question and ensure that your opinion is clear throughout the essay.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to ensure they are fully developed and comprehensive; avoid vague statements.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, ensuring they are relevant to the topic and help illustrate your points.
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