IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

An increasing number of people are buying items which they need online. What are the advantages and disadvantages for both individuals and companies to shopping online.

#people #items #individuals #companies
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An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
An increasing
number
 of
people
 are buying
items
 which they need online. What are the
advantages
 and
disadvantages
 for
both
individuals
 and
companies
 to shopping online
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Submitted by alperenyakut on

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task achievement
There is no actual essay content provided, only repetition of the task. To improve, ensure that the essay is written based on answering the question with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Each part should fulfill its purpose: introducing the topic, presenting arguments with examples, and summarizing the main points.
coherence cohesion
There is a lack of coherence and cohesion due to the repetition of the task without any structured argument or progression. To enhance coherence, structure the essay with a clear progression of ideas and use cohesive devices to link ideas between and within paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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