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Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people choose to travel abroad to learn foriegn language instead of studying in their home town What are advantages and disadvantages of this.

#people #travel #foriegn #language #home #town
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Thera
Correct your spelling
There
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 a lot of
people
choose
Correct pronoun usage
who choose
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 to travel
foriegn
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foreign
country
 to learn
Correct article usage
a foriegn
show examples
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
instead
 of learning in their homeland. On the one hand, some
people
 think to travel abroad
country
 to study a
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
 is very helpful for our life. THE MAIN MERIT
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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together with
 studying a
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
 seeing and learning about the city gives a person spiritual nourishment. TO EXPLAIN, once you have learned the
language
 you can try it with another person.
AS A RESULT
, you will have mastered the
language
 by communicating with your
foriegn
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foreign
friend
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friends
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.
THEREFORE
,
people
 are learning
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foreign
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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in
Change preposition
apply
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abroad
On the other hand
, there are some minuses. THE MAIN DEMERIT,
that
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is that
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 you may have financial issues until you learn the
language
 well. TO EXPLAIN, you go
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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abroad
country
, you have
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
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 money. It may run out
off
Change preposition
of
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. You do not recognize many
people
. It is very
diffucult
Correct your spelling
difficult
 to
commonicate
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communicate
 with others.
AS A RESULT
, you
have
Verb problem
are
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 tired and do not know a
country
,you need a guide
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 a guide
is
Verb problem
does
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 not save money.
FOR EXAMPLE
, my brother does not know anyone who had a hard time when he went to England to learn the
language
.
THEREFORE
, it is easier to learn
language
Add an article
a language
the language
show examples
 in
once's
Correct your spelling
one's
show examples
 own
country
. IN CONCLUSION, many
people
 go to another
country
 to learn a
language
,
this
 has advantages and disadvantages.
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Task Achievement
To improve task achievement, make sure to fully address all parts of the task. Both the advantages and disadvantages need to be explored in equal measure and in more depth. Providing more specific examples and extending your explanations would result in a more complete response.
Coherence and Cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, aim for a more structured approach. Your ideas should be organized into clear paragraphs, each with a central theme, and you should use a wider range of cohesive devices (such as however, consequently, furthermore) to connect your sentences and ideas more naturally.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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