Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students should be encouraged to question and offer criticisms on their teachers. Others think this will lead to a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The line graph illustrates the
consumption
of
Margarine
, Low fat and reduced
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Butter spreads in
grams
. The graph collates data from 1981 to 2007.
Overall
,
consumption
of both the
Margarine
and Butter spreads reduced over time
while
Low fat and reduced
spread
increased. The Butter
spread
was the most favoured
spread
in 1981 and the
consumption
of it increased until 1986 from 140
grams
to 160
grams
.
Then
, it decreased gradually from 160
grams
to about 50
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
from 1986 to 2007.
On the other hand
,
consumption
of the
Margarine
spread
decreases from 90
grams
to 80
grams
from 1981 to 1986. It
then
had
a
Change the article
an
show examples
up trend that latest till 1991, increasing the
consumption
to 100
grams
. From
then
on, the
consumption
of the
Margarine
spread
declined to just 40
grams
from 1991 to 2007.
Last
but not least, the
consumption
of the Low fat and reduced
spread
increased sharply from 10
grams
in 1996 to almost 90
grams
in 2001.
However
, it decreased slightly in 2007 to an estimated 70
grams
.
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on

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relevance and task response
Ensure that the essay is relevant to the given task. The task required a discussion on high school students questioning and criticizing teachers, and the impact on education and discipline. Your essay seems to be off-topic, describing a line graph about the consumption of spreads.
logical structure and coherence
Construct a logical flow of ideas. The essay should begin with an introduction that clearly states the topic and your thesis, followed by body paragraphs that discuss each view and culminate in a conclusion that summarizes your own opinion.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs. This includes conjunctions, referencing words, synonyms, and transitional phrases.
introduction and conclusion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should set up the discussion, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your own stance on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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