Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students should be encouraged to question and offer criticisms on their teachers. Others think this will lead to a loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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The line graph illustrates the
consumption
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of
Margarine
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, Low fat and reduced
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
Butter spreads in
grams
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. The graph collates data from 1981 to 2007.
Overall
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,
consumption
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of both the
Margarine
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and Butter spreads reduced over time
while
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Low fat and reduced
spread
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increased. The Butter
spread
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was the most favoured
spread
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in 1981 and the
consumption
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of it increased until 1986 from 140
grams
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to 160
grams
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.
Then
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, it decreased gradually from 160
grams
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to about 50
gram
Fix the agreement mistake
grams
show examples
from 1986 to 2007.
On the other hand
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,
consumption
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of the
Margarine
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spread
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decreases from 90
grams
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to 80
grams
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from 1981 to 1986. It
then
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had
a
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an
show examples
up trend that latest till 1991, increasing the
consumption
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to 100
grams
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. From
then
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on, the
consumption
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of the
Margarine
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spread
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declined to just 40
grams
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from 1991 to 2007.
Last
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but not least, the
consumption
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of the Low fat and reduced
spread
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increased sharply from 10
grams
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in 1996 to almost 90
grams
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in 2001.
However
Linking Words
, it decreased slightly in 2007 to an estimated 70
grams
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hanz.hyz326 on

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relevance and task response
Ensure that the essay is relevant to the given task. The task required a discussion on high school students questioning and criticizing teachers, and the impact on education and discipline. Your essay seems to be off-topic, describing a line graph about the consumption of spreads.
logical structure and coherence
Construct a logical flow of ideas. The essay should begin with an introduction that clearly states the topic and your thesis, followed by body paragraphs that discuss each view and culminate in a conclusion that summarizes your own opinion.
cohesion
Use a range of cohesive devices to link ideas within and across sentences and paragraphs. This includes conjunctions, referencing words, synonyms, and transitional phrases.
introduction and conclusion
Provide a clear introduction and conclusion. The introduction should set up the discussion, and the conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your own stance on the issue.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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