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Band 7.5

Some people think that individuals and companies, rather than the government, should pay for cleaning pollution. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #individuals #companies #government #pollution
Environmental
pollution
 has been a major contributor to the climate change. Some people think that organisations
as well as
 people have contributed to
this
 impurity.
Thus
, both parties should contribute to the cost of cleaning up
instead
 of the authorities. I personally believe that it should be a collective effort by all of them. My opinion will be discussed in the following paragraphs with a suitable conclusion.
To begin
 with, there are many reasons why companies and individuals should fork out money for cleaning
pollution
. Commercial businesses contribute to air
pollution
 through operations and supply chains.
For example
, emissions from burning fuel used to heat buildings,
besides
 that, harmful gases are being released into the environment during the distribution and delivery of goods.
On the other hand
, communities pollute the air, land and sea. To give a clear example, is by burning fossil fuels, overusing chemicals and pesticides and creating sewage run-off. Another example, researchers from agricultural
university
Fix the agreement mistake
universities
show examples
 proves that some companies adopt eco-friendly methods to minimise expenses on carbon footprint. In my view, the government should
also
 give money to facilitate a clean habitat. They collect taxes from us and should allocate a part of it for environmental protection so that we all can live in a clean and safe place. Just a small proportion of the amount from the billions of dollars of government budget set aside for
this
 initiative would go a long way for us to breathe fresher Air quality.
Additionally
, authorities can ban certain harmful substances and prohibit permits to manufacture them.
To conclude
, I strongly believe that paying for cleaning
pollution
 must be contributed by the government, public and companies collaboratively. It is a small price to pay for the damage caused to our surroundings.
Submitted by Nivashini_16 on

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Task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you fully address all parts of the prompt. While your essay covered the general idea, providing a more nuanced argument with a wider range of concrete examples and explanation would strengthen your position.
Coherence and cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, work on the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of cohesive devices but ensure they are used correctly to create a smooth transition of ideas.
Task achievement
While you have supported your main points, using more specific and varied examples related to the topic would enhance the essay. Incorporating statistics, studies or real-world scenarios could offer more depth to the argument presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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