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Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development
It is argued that
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
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 many
people
 move to the city from the village in many states,
thus
 the number of citizens is falling down in the countryside. I really support that urbanization is a
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
problem in the modern world,
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
 merits.
This
 essay will discuss both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 tendency. A number of scientists have shown that in recent years there have been significant changes in
permanent
Correct article usage
the permanent
show examples
 migration of humans from the villages to the big cities. Referring to some potentially positive outcomes of that tendency, some evidence indicates that now rural
people
 prefer to go to town not only for living
and
Correct word choice
but
show examples
also
 to get an education, a good high-paying job or to have an opportunity to spend time with enjoying. As a primary example, many artists who are really popular in their countries became
such
 ones only thankful moving to the town to increase their lifestyle and the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
life level.
However
, some opponents who state that the population in the countryside is decreasing may deem the previous viewpoint questionable. It is often said that many villages are suffered from
lack
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a lack
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 of specialists in different spheres,
such
a
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as
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 teachers and lectures, doctors and
another medical workers
Replace the adjective
another medical worker
other medical workers
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, pharmacists,
Correct word choice
and veterinours
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veterinours
Correct your spelling
veterinary
due to
 the fact that a ton of young
people
 after graduating a school move to
city
Add an article
the city
a city
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 just because they want to get an excellent
tartaly
Correct your spelling
tartly
totally
 education in the priority universities. So it tends to have a negative influence on old
people
 and children especially .
For instance
, when someone from
Correct article usage
a patients
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patients
Fix the agreement mistake
patient
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need
Change the verb form
needs
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 a very fast medical aid it is a really large issue to deliver them to the medical center which is far away from the village.
Nevertheless
Add a comma
Nevertheless,
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 it is very necessary to take into account all the details of each individual case. From my point of view, the disadvantages mentioned above outweigh the advantages as
this
also
 follows from my own experience, for I was
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 village
citizens
Change the noun form
citizen
show examples
 when I was a teenager.
Submitted by balnur_amantay on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Make sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the question. Your conclusion should clearly state whether you see the development as positive or negative. Provide a summary of your key points in the conclusion.
Logical Structure
Create a more coherent essay by organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a central topic. Use transition words to connect ideas and ensure the reader can follow your argument easily.
Supporting Details
Develop your main points further by providing more specific examples and explanations. Use data, statistics, or case studies to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Task Response
Ensure each of your body paragraphs has a clear main idea, followed by an explanation and a relevant example. Avoid general statements and make sure to directly answer the essay question in every part of your response.
Task Response
Your essay needs to directly address the essay prompt, presenting clear opinions and relevant examples. Avoid ambiguity in your position on the issue.
Coherence
Considering the variety of ideas, it's important to connect them clearly and logically. Develop your arguments progressively and make sure there's a logical flow from one idea to the next.
Relevance of Examples
Stay on topic and provide relevant examples directly related to the migration of rural people to cities and its consequences. Use these examples to effectively support your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: