Despite huge improvements in healthcare, the overall standard of physical health in many developed countries is now falling. What are the reasons for this and how can the problem be tackled?
In the modern era,
although
a remarkable advancement in the health
Correct your spelling
healthcare
care
sector in the
most developed nations, there is still a way to go Correct article usage
apply
further
in increasing a
general Correct article usage
the
health
standard for them. With this
issue, a possible solution should be in place to improve their overall
biological health
perspective.
To begin
with, in many wealthy countries such
as the US, Australia, and Europe, it can be undeniable that they have already introduced their healthcare products including medical equipment, professional skills, and medications. This
led to a great outcome of the health
care
system
at an advanced level to look after people
who need their support and are already in the system
.
Nonetheless
, on the other hand
, the overall
viewpoint of the concept of individual physical health
seems not to be followed by improvement of the health
care
service. The compelling rationale can be considered that people
do not have enough time to look after their health
as they are already busy with their careers and personal lives. This
might contribute to making individuals put their health
status behind them.
Yet, there is an assertive solution to address the issue which should be fostering
all members of society to access a regular Verb problem
to encourage
health
check via the public health
system
. This
may bring a considerable benefit to the public to recognise their own health
and to comprehend the importance of their health
for maintaining their well-being. Therefore
, this
can be an alternative for people
to enhance their general view of the significance of people
's physical health
.
To sum up
, it can be seen that the fundamental standard of physical health
in many rich countries is considered less important in spite of installing significant improvements in the health
care
system
. However
, a general health
check on a regular basis would lead to developing people
's perspective on their health
care
.Submitted by yeseulyou92 on
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task achievement
Your essay introduces the topic and presents some ideas related to the decline in physical health despite advancements in healthcare. However, the response is a bit repetitive, and requires further development of ideas and arguments. Expand more on why the general standard of health is failing, even with advanced healthcare systems.
task achievement
Make sure to directly address both parts of the question: reasons for the falling standards and potential solutions. Provide specific examples and clear arguments to support your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, but transitions between ideas could be smoother. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing to show clear relationships between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and enhance lexical resource usage for a more engaging and complex argument presentation.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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