IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The graphs above give information about computer ownership as a percentage of the population between 2002 and 2010, and by level of education for the years 2002 and 2010. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#graphs #information #computer #ownership #percentage #population #level #education #years #summaries #features #comparisons
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The two graphs above
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the information generally regarding
ownership
Use synonyms
 of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 as a percentage
as well as
Linking Words
 computer
ownership
Use synonyms
 by the level of studies they undergo.
Overall
Linking Words
, in general, the holding of
this
Linking Words
 technology
start
Change the verb form
starts
show examples
 at a high point and
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a steady growth every 2 years to 2010.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
possession
Correct article usage
the possession
show examples
 of computers relating to education that individuals pursue, has differences
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 each stage.
This
Linking Words
 can be seen by the higher education they pursue, the more they have the will to own
this
Linking Words
 specific item. In 2002, owning
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a high position of just below 60%, before increasing gradually
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 around 5-10% every 2 years to reach around 75%
at the end
Linking Words
 year.
In addition
Linking Words
,
ownership
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 item by means of studies shows a consistent correlation between education and possession. No high school diploma being the lowest level, has a starting point of 10% before reaching 40%, and postgraduate qualification start their
ownership
Use synonyms
 at 70% before adjusting to 90%. Even though these numbers are
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
significant difference
Replace the word
significantly different
show examples
, the digits
displays
Change the verb form
display
show examples
 a similar and constant growth from 2002 to 2010.
Submitted by aizawatakeru2 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words ownership with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "differences" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • computer ownership
  • percentage of the population
  • level of education
  • comparison
  • trend
  • increase/decrease
  • no-qualification
  • secondary
  • post-secondary
  • graduate education
  • digital divide
  • socio-economic factors
  • technological advancement
  • accessibility
  • demographics
  • statistical data
  • data interpretation
  • significant growth
  • fluctuations
  • proliferation
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