Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

#people #money #factor #hapiness

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Money

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is arguably one of the most essential parts of

people

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's lives.

While

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there is an argument that

people

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require

money

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to be happy, some

people

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insist that in order to achieve joy ,

money

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is not vital. In

this

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essay, I will first discuss sides that agree and

then

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those against. Apparently,

Money

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is a key feature for

people

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to gain abilities to access many things.

Firstly

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, An expenditure in our

life

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as we live in society costs a lot of

money

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for a convenient way of living

such

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as housing expenses, car fuel and food as a fundamental of

life

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In addition

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money

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can provide you a chance to travel and experience new things which can lead to joy in

life

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Furthermore

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, If

people

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got sick and had to go to the hospital for a cure it could lead to a lot of expenditure on medical costs.

In contrast

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, It is certain that for

people

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to be able to achieve happiness in

life

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rely on their own perspective.

This

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due to

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their way of living to cherish the aspect that surrounds them or not.

For instance

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people

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who live in rural areas are able to live with joy without any luxury items because of the disparity in their viewpoints about

life

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. In conclusion, Including all of the aforementioned points ,

Money

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plays a vital role in the modern

life

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people

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. It helps us to be able to achieve happiness in our

life

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both physically and mentally but it

also

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requires a perspective view to find happiness in

life

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. In my opinion,

money

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is an essential part of living happily.

Submitted by Phuvadej Int. on Fri Feb 02 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve coherence and cohesion, work on creating clearer connections between ideas and paragraphs through the use of more varied linking words and phrases. Additionally, ensure a well-structured essay by having distinct and well-developed paragraphs for each main idea.

task achievement

For task achievement, focus on addressing all parts of the task more evenly, ensuring you fully answer the question. Make sure your examples are specific and clearly connected to the points being made. In this case, more specific examples would strengthen the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

272 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

financial security
basic needs
diminishing returns
materialism
personal growth
mindset
self-worth
social status
philanthropy
well-being
experiences
generosity
fulfilling
reduces stress
escalate
acquiring wealth
sense of security
comparative wealth
excessive focus
leisure activities

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Many people believe money is a very important factor for achieving hapiness.Others, however believe that money has nothing to do with hapiness.Discuss both views.

Your opinion

As countries develop, more and more people buy and use their own cars. Do you think the advantages of this trend for individuals outweigh the disadvantages for the environment?

Some people say that success is "10 percent talent and 90 percent hard work". Is hard work the key to success, or is talent also important

Nowadays youngsters are less polite and less respectful than in the past. What do you think are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this issue?